Yes, I have lost 3 people to suicide. I think it is the most difficult way to lose a loved one, because it leaves you with so many questions. And often guilt, a lot of “what if I could have said something?” or “maybe there was something more I could have done” type of thoughts. I can’t offer spiritual advice. I can say that allowing yourself proper time to grieve and adjust to your loss is crucial. Your questions may never be answered, and learning to accept that can take time. You are entitled to that time, and you owe it to yourself to take it. I’m sorry for your loss, I hope your heart heals quickly. (hugs)