answer:First of all, welcome to Fluther. There are some problems with the sentence. To begin “There were no cars in sight”. The word “cars”, being plural, requires a plural form of the verb. I would not repeat Oles’ name so often in the sentence. While that may be a stylistic complaint and not a formal one, the needless repetition is not poetic and is uncalled-for. ”...moon would light his way, thithered towards the gloomy outline…”. We had already been introduced to Oles, and he was already the subject of the sentence. That’s as far as I’ve gotten so far. A sentence this complex will take some time. I sense a pending complaint on overuse of semicolons (usually underused!), but I’ll get to that later. I would try to avoid using uncommon English words. “Mortmain” is brand new to me, as is “thithered”, and I had to look up “inchoate”. I doubt if many English-speaking people will know what a snood is, either. EDIT: Ah, “thithered” is new to me because it is not a verb! “Thither” is an adjective to describe “toward a place or in a general direction”. So there’s a problem, though it’s a usage problem more than grammar.