What can I do to help my boyfriend forget about his past?

1 Answer

Answer :

answer:Welcome to ask-public. My first advice would be to “set realistic expectations”. Don’t attempt to make his birthday “the best day of his life”, even though it may not exactly set you up for failure, considering the quality of his life as you describe it so far. Instead, aim for making it “a good birthday”, which is certainly something that you or anyone who cares for him can achieve without unreasonable stress and effort. (And at your age and your current new relationship status, “unreasonable effort” would be inappropriate. You can’t save the world on ten weeks’ notice; you should not attempt that. You’ll learn about the expression “don’t make the perfect the enemy of the good” someday; this is a good time to start.) My second advice would be not to put boundless faith in the stories that new acquaintances tell you, and that applies especially in a budding romantic relationship, applies more at your young age and inexperience with the world, and applies most especially if the story continues to keep getting worse each time you hear it. I’m not saying that “this is your boyfriend”, but this is how con artists work, too. Be careful about over-investing too much, too quickly. My final advice for now – on this topic, anyway – would be to make sure that your care and concern for him is at least reciprocated. Does all the help and concern go one way, from you to him? That’s not a healthy sign. Some people are natural givers, and you sound like you might be that kind of person. That’s a fine thing. But some people are natural takers, too – and they frequently seek out and latch onto the givers, because it makes life so much easier for them. Again, I’m not making assumptions or accusations about your new boyfriend; I’m just saying – from long experience – that these are real things to watch out for. We can be pretty sure that he will return your “affections” (I recall being that young, too, and “returning affection” to a girl who seemed to care is no trouble at all; in fact it can be hella enjoyable, but … be careful.) Don’t set yourself up to make the same kinds of mistakes that others obviously made. (And I’m not saying that your boyfriend is “a mistake”, either, but if his birth resulted from an unwanted pregnancy and a failed abortion, then it’s clear why others might say that. It’s a cruel thing to say about a human that he was “a mistake”, but it would not be unfair to say that “his birth was the result of a string of failures” on the part of both of his parents. That’s still harsh, but it’s accurate – still not a way to characterize a young man, though.) Finally, and only peripherally related to your question and any advice on the exact topic of your question, encourage him to continue his education, and you work on yours, too. If you both do that together and encourage each other, then that would be a fine thing. Start with “my boyfriend and I are 14 … etc.”, and work on your writing skills (including paragraph breaks – they’re a thing now). Seriously, though – education is the ticket for both of you to improve your lives, and at this point in your lives it’s free to you both. Get as much of it as you can.

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