answer:It began in college for me. It was the first time I was away from home, and the drinking age was 18 in my state at the time. I could march into any liquor store and by a bottle of anything. It’s what the liquor gave me that was so seductive: warm oblivion. I’d spent all my formative years being bullied for being gay, and the accumulated pain had no outlet. Alcohol became the anesthetic so that I didn’t care about that pain. I could forget it for awhile. Never mind that I woke up with physical pain and found that the emotional pain was unabated. The few hours of escape was worth it, or so I thought. At some point around age 20, I began to drink daily to sleep. A shot of something before bed would relax me. Then the daily drinking took a serious turn, and I began to use it to escape from the stress I allowed myself to feel due to my repressed sexuality. I spent about 15 long years after that alternating between bouts of light and heavy drinking. Finally, I faced my deepest fear and came out of the closet. I had always thought that if I could manage that, then I wouldn’t have to drink anymore. Imagine my surprise when I discovered I was dependent on alcohol. About 5 months after beginning the coming out process, I discovered a 12 step program, and I’m happy to report today that I’ve been sober for 12 years. For me, working the program has given me freedom from the fears that once plagued me. I sleep at night, and I’m relatively sane most days.