answer:Wow, this sounds like an impossible situation. I know that personally, I would not have agreed to go – and the longer that people do agree to go, the harder it will be for her to accept their suddenly refusing. But this is something that your husband (and the rest of the family) will have to decide individually. It’s even possible that he does want to go, but can’t explain it to you. I think you should probably be a bit careful about complaining about her behaviour. Part of what would make stopping the visits difficult is that she would likely interpret this as the family’s eventual reaction to her own death. Knowing that her son will visit a family grave for no longer than 8 years willl be very significant to her if she wants him to attend to her grave after she passes away in the same way that she attends to her own parents’ graves now. There isn’t going to be a way to make her understand that that isn’t going to happen.