5 a.m. after a long night of drinking I was leaving a restaurant and pulled out of the parking lot onto the road unnecessarily fast and right in front of a cop. (I was too drunk to notice it was a cop car.) He pulled me over a couple blocks later. When asked why I pulled out so fast my response was, “Honestly, I saw a car coming and tried to beat it. I’m a fucking idiot. Sorry about that. It was fucking stupid.” All the while I was keeping my eyes shielded behind the wind deflector so he couldn’t see all the blood my eye veins has accumulated. He checked the computer, came back, and let me go. “Be a little more careful. There’s a lot of guys that would give you a ticket for that.” I couldn’t believe it. I’ve got more but I’m not going to take up any more space than this.