I currently worked in reality TV and have produced for 4 different dating shows specifically in the past. The short answer is it all depends on the show. With the Bachelor and Bachelorette, the producers spend most of their time casting the potential partners but they do not choose who the bachelor/bachelorette winds up with. The producers might “encourage” them to lean one way or another but ultimately the decision is left up to the individual. With your lesser dating shows, producers might be more hands on with the decision making of the dater. All in all, none of these people on dating shows are actors. They might be actors in real life but they are not acting on the show. Make sense?