susanc – I started to look for as much positive in the situation as I could before my husband passed away, actually. After being completely incapacitated for a few days after getting the news, we both decided that we didn’t want to waste whatever time we had left mourning. We still had bad days, but we appreciated the time we had left, too. Some aspects were certainly harder than others. I didn’t like thinking of what I would do with myself when he was gone, for example. I tended to keep myself really busy to avoid dwelling on it too much, especially when he was gone. It sank in as I was able to accept it. Everyone has their own timeline, and I don’t believe it’s right for people to try dictating what is a “normal” mourning period or what “should” be right for you. Myself, I chose to focus on the good that I got from our time together, rather than get bogged down with what I missed out on. I figured that time spent thinking about the bad was time wasted when I could be remembering something good. I was also worried that I would start to lose too many of the good memories if I dwelled too much on the negative ones. Sure, I didn’t get to spend nearly enough time with him and we never had the chance to start the family we wanted. On the other hand, I count myself lucky that I met him in the first place and got to know such a wonderful person who was a positive influence in my life. I’m thankful that I have lots of terrific memories to cherish from the time we spent together. There is a whole crowd of friends and family that I never would have met if I’d never known him. I’m immensely grateful that I was able to be there for him during the most challenging period of his life and during his death. Rob wrote a letter that he wanted read at his funeral. It opens: “I am a lucky, lucky, lucky man. “I realize that a lot of you, given this last chapter of my life, might disagree, and I admit it wasn’t the greatest year I ever had. But you can’t honestly take a look at the life I lived, the hand I was dealt, and come to any conclusion other than that I am a lucky, lucky, lucky man.” He goes on to state that although he fumbled along the way and he never really accomplished anything earth-shattering, he really had it pretty good: great family and friends, and the clarity that comes with knowing your time is nearing an end. He added, “A lot of people have said to me about my illness, “It’s not right” or “It’s not fair” or “It’s not acceptable.” They are right. But neither is it wrong, or unfair, or unacceptable. It just is. Life moves on. We lose people that we care about, and eventually the people we care about will lose us. ...[H]ere I’m even luckier still. I’ve seen very few people I care about pass on, and I won’t have to watch my friends and family die away around me, or grow old and watch my body deteriorate, or watch anyone hurt anymore. It happens because it has to, and I can’t feel anything but good about the fact that I played my part in the Great Plan as best I knew how.” I found a lot of solace in what he said and in the dignity with which he approached his end.