For someone who is thinking about distancing themselves from their dysfunctional immediate family and creating their own family, any advice?

For someone who is thinking about distancing themselves from their dysfunctional immediate family and creating their own family, any advice?
by

1 Answer

Answer :

What I did was consider what these people were bringing to my life. When I really, really sat back and thought about it… I realized that almost everything that I “gained” from maintaining those relationships was negative and detrimental to my well being. I started to feel like I was only playing nice because I felt obligated, it was habit. I decided that my life would be considerably better without the baggage. That’s when I came to realize that I needed distance. It became a simple case of quality vs quantity, for me.
by

Related questions

Would you please offer a young ask-publicite some advice on how to deal with a severely dysfunctional graduation?

Description : Would you please offer a young ask-publicite some advice on how to deal with a severely dysfunctional graduation?

Last Answer : My family gatherings are similarly stressful but of course with its own set of reasons. What I found exorbitantly helpful, when I was able to do it, is to find it all hilarious. Whenever someone acts ... mind. I think it is fantastic you are going despite the drama. You are obviously a good person.

If you have a dysfunctional family, how do you get through holiday gatherings?

Description : If you have a dysfunctional family, how do you get through holiday gatherings?

Last Answer : I feel like if you’re expecting something, it’s more likely to actually happen. If you expect the worst, then you’ll get the worst. And I’d just be positive and that kind of thing. Besides. Every family is dysfunctional, even if we can’t tell.

How dysfunctional is your family?

Description : How dysfunctional is your family?

Last Answer : My family’s dysfunctional to the point that the craziness cancels each other out and it all works pretty well. .....of course, being spread over 3 countries and only seeing each other every 1–2 years makes it easier to get along.

Is it odd to have three lefties (left-handed people) in one immediate family?

Description : Is it odd to have three lefties (left-handed people) in one immediate family?

Last Answer : No! I think its fascinating. Myself, my dad, and two aunts are left handed. My boyfriend is left handed as well.. We like it because we can sit by eachother at a restaraunt and not bump into eachother!

Seeking advice or words of wisdom for handling serious family drama?

Description : Seeking advice or words of wisdom for handling serious family drama?

Last Answer : answer:Can you call the hospital and ask to speak with your grandmother? That way you can get a clearer picture of how serious the situation is, and possibly arrange to see her when she gets home from the ... you can do to make sure your sister doesn't get put through the same kind of abuse you did?

Are parents killing their children & or themselves along with them, more than ever before?

Description : Are parents killing their children & or themselves along with them, more than ever before?

Last Answer : I really don’t know but I think instant media brings these things to light more where as in the past it may have been kept quiet.

Do you feel comfortable with your own family?

Description : Do you feel comfortable with your own family?

Last Answer : No. The only person that really got me was my grandfather, and he passed away about 11 years ago. :(

Is there anyone among your blood relatives who have totally separated themselves and refused to speak to or see a parent, a sibling, a child, an aunt or uncle or cousin?

Description : Is there anyone among your blood relatives who have totally separated themselves and refused to speak to or see a parent, a sibling, a child, an aunt or uncle or cousin?

Last Answer : Yes. My grandmother's cousin left her kids one day and no one has heard from her since. She'd be dead by now. No one knows why she left. A few of my cousins refuse to speak to my sister, and my ... . We had to beg her to come see my mom before she died. I know lots of people with similar stories.

Death. Do you have a personal story of someone that has handled their own death well?

Description : Death. Do you have a personal story of someone that has handled their own death well?

Last Answer : answer:My grandpa is a great example. He was dianogsed with protage cancer and the whole family had to bring him to several hospitals for treatment. Every time we visited him he didn't seem to worry about his ... uniform. He didn't even think a bit about his situation! I'm glad I didn't fail him.

Is there someone in your family who is uncommonly funny?

Description : Is there someone in your family who is uncommonly funny?

Last Answer : My whole family is. We like to rib each other all the time. My kids are all very quick witted as is my husband.

My unvaccinated uncle just passed from Covid today. Do you have any advice for supporting my mother?

Description : My unvaccinated uncle just passed from Covid today. Do you have any advice for supporting my mother?

Last Answer : I understand the concerns that your mother had in warning her relatives, but she had warned them and now its up to them to decide to vaccinate or bear the consequences. She has done her part and ... do is to state that she loves them regardless of their choices. Condolances to the family, take care.

For those that have children. Why did you have them ? I really need some advice.

Description : For those that have children. Why did you have them ? I really need some advice.

Last Answer : answer:My motivating factor was simply that I wanted them. Looking back, I kind of wish I’d had one more. If you don’t want any, then don’t have any, please. What does your husband say?

I need some advice on this situation?

Description : I need some advice on this situation?

Last Answer : answer:It's hard, but you need to tell your son you have your own life to live, and he has his. Your presence will not help him grow up any more than it has already, he is way too old to be ... on this. The conversation will not be easy, but you know what to do, since you are asking here on Fluther.

Don't know what to do now, advice? (details inside).

Description : Don't know what to do now, advice? (details inside).

Last Answer : answer:First, a hug. Second, know you did the right thing. Third, just go tomorrow and do the best you can but be gentle with yourself. Sometimes one just has to coast through a day after a bad night’s sleep. And fourth, another big hug!

Do you have any advice on moving out?

Description : Do you have any advice on moving out?

Last Answer : Change is scarry, sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and do it.

Why do I have to put up with their family?

Description : Why do I have to put up with their family?

Last Answer : answer:You have a choice: you can either put up with the granddaughter, or you can set a boundary and risk the friendship. But you cannot expect your friend to change without you setting a boundary and then ... I will leave. I want to spend time with you, not with her. And then honor your word.

Do you automatically call new additions to the family by their title because it is official, or do you only do it when it feels natural?

Description : Do you automatically call new additions to the family by their title because it is official, or do you only do it when it feels natural?

Last Answer : I think you are correct. The guy has been known as X and now you’re supposed to change that to Uncle X? How is that disrespectful? He didn’t do anything to earn the title other than marry your aunt. But, in the interest of peace and harmony ask him what he wants you to call him.

Do kids really need both parents' families to be their "family"?

Description : Do kids really need both parents' families to be their "family"?

Last Answer : No, they don’t. Sadly, they might like the baby more than you. Grandparents go all gooey for that kind of thing and can simultaneously hate the person who brought the baby into the world. People are all kinds of twisted.

I want to include pictures of each of my kids and their families in my ********* letter but I don't have a group picture of each family. How can I put them all together in a way that won't look like a big mish-mash?

Description : I want to include pictures of each of my kids and their families in my Christmas letter but I don't have a group picture of each family. How can I put them all together in a way that won't look like a big mish-mash?

Last Answer : I use photoshop, which is expensive (but can be downloaded off the internet, though officially i say that that is illegal and i would never condone it). :) In photoshop you can cut things out, and paste ... going about it, but I would find some techie friend or child, and make them do it for you.

Should the sister remain with the family?

Description : Should the sister remain with the family?

Last Answer : The whole mythology of ghosts is that they move on after their difficulty is resolved. So she would move on, not continue to haunt SB. She is a pretty shitty ghost if she can’t remember her own suicide. SB should just ignore her.

Have you ever had family dump something on you that you want no part of?

Description : Have you ever had family dump something on you that you want no part of?

Last Answer : My cousins are wanting to have a reunion in June but it's falling on me to.pull it together evidently. I'm trying hard to figure it out but my sister's aren't wanting any part of it, and ... never have another chance. But it interferes with my chill out with a beer in front of the tube activities.

Did you try to "spare" family members when you were a child?

Description : Did you try to "spare" family members when you were a child?

Last Answer : I only tried to spare them how bad I was.

How to deal with family?

Description : How to deal with family?

Last Answer : Were you close to your parents before your brother passed? Just give them some space to them you are here for them let them come to you.

If you were to rent a family, (if yours is dead, or just sucks), how much would you be willing to pay per month?

Description : If you were to rent a family, (if yours is dead, or just sucks), how much would you be willing to pay per month?

Last Answer : I would go for the free subscription, with the tailored ads.

What to do about these family heirlooms?

Description : What to do about these family heirlooms?

Last Answer : Points of clarification: 1. * All five nieces were given pieces of Mom's (their grandmother's) jewelry, based upon a list she left upon her death. The three grandsons were not. Does this ... children, right? 3. Did the grandsons receive any other heirlooms, such as something from their grandfather?

Do you have a really funny family member?

Description : Do you have a really funny family member?

Last Answer : No one in Germany has a sense of humour.

Why does my family just think they can take over my life?

Description : Why does my family just think they can take over my life?

Last Answer : We have a moving day coming up this weekend for our disabled grandmother and elderly great-gandmother, so I sympathize. Our whole family is getting together to go in and move them. You need to be clear with your family that they must help!

How does your family deal with aging parents?

Description : How does your family deal with aging parents?

Last Answer : If your Q is the one in red, at the top, my answer is: pretty poorly. I moved closer to mine to help, and did a lot before my dad passed. My two older sisters, who live ... most comprehensive senior center near you, they can probably steer you towards advice and resources. Good luck with this!

Am I wrong for starting to dislike my boyfriend's family?

Description : Am I wrong for starting to dislike my boyfriend's family?

Last Answer : No. Your protecting your family from druggies.

Did you get support from your family in tricky situations?

Description : Did you get support from your family in tricky situations?

Last Answer : Yes. Two of my brothers would support me in anything. The other one was just indifferent, to everyone. My mom also would support me in everything I did. One of my brothers that lives nearby has encouraged me ... he did get on my nerves a couple of times, but I did apologize for biting his head off.

Does having different senses of humor cause problems in your family?

Description : Does having different senses of humor cause problems in your family?

Last Answer : Luckily, our senses of humor are one of the few things my family members have in common. It is something of a bond although other issues divide us.

A family member is in the hospital. What level of involvement does your family show?

Description : A family member is in the hospital. What level of involvement does your family show?

Last Answer : I imagine it would depend what I was in the hospital for. If it were for something major, I would hope one of my sons would come but since they each live 3,000 miles away, probably only friends would come if it were something minor.

What are some things your family could have afforded, but didn't have?

Description : What are some things your family could have afforded, but didn't have?

Last Answer : Hockey membership. My dad wanted me to have all my teeth.

Do I have the right to call these people my family, too?

Description : Do I have the right to call these people my family, too?

Last Answer : answer:Of course you can, and I hope you do. Dear Abby once answered a question from someone who, as I recall, didn't want to include an adopted child or maybe a stepchild in a family photo ... Pedigree is irrelevant. I have an adopted cousin who belongs to another ethnicity. She's still my cousin.

Would you be concerned if Donald Trump appoints his family to key political positions?

Description : Would you be concerned if Donald Trump appoints his family to key political positions?

Last Answer : answer:I’d be way concerned if he was even in a position to do that. I’d be amused if he tried to do it after losing the election.

Do you think there should be some organized therapy group for the family, friends and children of people who suffer from depression?

Description : Do you think there should be some organized therapy group for the family, friends and children of people who suffer from depression?

Last Answer : answer:Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is not affiliated with Al-Anon, nor did AA start Al-Anon. You have a good idea, Why not start a support group in your community?

Can anyone recommend a website that helps you learn how to label complex family relations?

Description : Can anyone recommend a website that helps you learn how to label complex family relations?

Last Answer : Here’s a handy chart.

Do you think that the recent tragedy in Broken Arrow Oklahoma involving the Bever family might finally give us some insight into the Columbine shootings?

Description : Do you think that the recent tragedy in Broken Arrow Oklahoma involving the Bever family might finally give us some insight into the Columbine shootings?

Last Answer : answer:“They also said 3,000 rounds of ammunition were delivered to the home after the murders and the boys planned to use it to kill so many people they would become more famous than the Columbine shooters.” You would think ordering that amount would at least make somebody wonder.

What family topics do you really feel uncomfortable discussing?

Description : What family topics do you really feel uncomfortable discussing?

Last Answer : Death doesn’t make me feel so uncomfortable, but some family issues do. I just hate it when my aunts and uncles try to reveal each other’s issues (and maybe my family’s). It turns the family into some kind of hateful competitors.

Supposing you could choose the family you were going to be born into, let's say you knew the circumstances you would be entering just before you came into this world. Would you choose the same parents again?

Description : Supposing you could choose the family you were going to be born into, let's say you knew the circumstances you would be entering just before you came into this world. Would you choose the same parents again?

Last Answer : No. Baby boomers are the worst.

Would you be on creditors’ committee of a bankrupted family member?

Description : Would you be on creditors’ committee of a bankrupted family member?

Last Answer : answer:Can you afford to lose almost half a million dollars? Is this man your wife’s brother?

If you're from an 'abusive family', do you think you have a sixth sense about other people who were abused?

Description : If you're from an 'abusive family', do you think you have a sixth sense about other people who were abused?

Last Answer : I'm not very good at picking out other people who were abused, but I think that's partially because I was gaslighted about it for many years. A friend of mine who was abused and who had the resources to ... who around me might have been abused. But like I said, I'm not very good at it yet.

Would you address this issue with your partner's family?

Description : Would you address this issue with your partner's family?

Last Answer : Is “Once a year” accurate, or a typo?

What to say/do when a family member is close to death?

Description : What to say/do when a family member is close to death?

Last Answer : answer:Just try not to mention anything about his health. Talk about all the positive things you can think of. Try to make him comfortable. At least if this is really the last time you see him, you can be sure you have some good time with him.

How important are family relations to you?

Description : How important are family relations to you?

Last Answer : answer:Is there some sort of middle ground, where there can be grown-up discussion and clearing of the air? I don't like either the eating crow or being right concepts. If one side is ... still resentful, don't they? Anyone in the family detached and grown-up enough to be a neutral mediator?

What's the longest you and your family have been apart from each other?

Description : What's the longest you and your family have been apart from each other?

Last Answer : Longest I’ve been apart from my wife in twenty-five years is two weeks.

Do any fellow jellies have a difficult time around the holidays with missing family members or loved ones?

Description : Do any fellow jellies have a difficult time around the holidays with missing family members or loved ones?

Last Answer : This year I am missing my daughter and her family who moved to Scotland. I'm also missing my son and his family who aren't talking to me. :-( I can handle my son and his wife not talking ... an iPod for Christmas. He accidentally facetimed me the other day. It was great to see his little face!

Would you get a separate social network account from family?

Description : Would you get a separate social network account from family?

Last Answer : http://i1121.photobucket.com/albums/l520/chelle21689/null_zps7d484bc9.jpg

What will you do if you think you have Depression but when you talk to your family, they say you are just making an excuse?

Description : What will you do if you think you have Depression but when you talk to your family, they say you are just making an excuse?

Last Answer : See a therapist.

Have you ever had to choose between spending an anniversary with a significant other or babysitting for family?

Description : Have you ever had to choose between spending an anniversary with a significant other or babysitting for family?

Last Answer : answer:What did you tell your brother? Did you already have plans with your boyfriend? These details are critical in helping you decide, in my opinion. Saturday is only one day away, so if you made a ... to either your boyfriend or your brother, it's kind of last minute to bow out at this time.