When we are very reactive to certain people, does it say more about us or them?

When we are very reactive to certain people, does it say more about us or them?
by

1 Answer

Answer :

I agree, the deeper the wound the harder to recover, if at all. When we have these issues, obviously you have to look at yourself. We must have self esteem and insecurity issues to let these people hurt us in the way we do. I often wonder how I would behave if I were tougher, if my heart was harder. But sometimes I see people around me who are tougher, and they seem to be insensitive souls with no love in their hearts. I don’t want to be like that.
by

Related questions

How do you treat children with R.A.D. (Reactive Attachment Disorder)

Description : How do you treat children with R.A.D. (Reactive Attachment Disorder)

Last Answer : I’d treat ‘em like any other kids, but then I’m just some schmoe on ask-public, and not anyone with training in the field and worthy of consultation.

Do you think there is some innate feature of a person that can predispose them to certain belief patterns?

Description : Do you think there is some innate feature of a person that can predispose them to certain belief patterns?

Last Answer : if intelligence derives at least partly from genes, which I think it does, then yeah. Leary with his Eight Circuits model, Ken Wilber and his integral theory and the theory of Spiral Dynamics (which Wilber ... eventually adopts. (you can't adopt a belief if you can't understand it, for starters.)

When we protect our children from certain kinds of knowledge, are we protecting their psychological health, or are we protecting ourselves from dealing with uncomfortable subects?

Description : When we protect our children from certain kinds of knowledge, are we protecting their psychological health, or are we protecting ourselves from dealing with uncomfortable subects?

Last Answer : answer:One must go with the gut feel on this one. The TV has its ratings scheme but most parents by default know their kids best. Err on the safe side I guess. If a parent is uncertain about ... follow I guess. Just the ability to adapt to present situations in your kid's life and growth process.

Does your favorite extinct animal choice say something very basic about your personality?

Description : Does your favorite extinct animal choice say something very basic about your personality?

Last Answer : I always liked Steller’s sea cows (and their living cousins, manatees). And passenger pigeons – I always thought they were pretty cool.

Have adults who speak in very childish voices had something traumatic happen to them in their childhood ?

Description : Have adults who speak in very childish voices had something traumatic happen to them in their childhood ?

Last Answer : Um ...... yeah? It's possible. It could totally be a way in which more aggravated dissociative states present themselves (as could all voices - like, gruff and deep and male on a teeny, high ... various vernacular (eg baby talk, LOLspeak) than a soft voice, though they could easily combine the two.

What makes certain animals "so cute" and others - not so much?

Description : What makes certain animals "so cute" and others - not so much?

Last Answer : Genetics??

Some adults are said to have a mind of a child, but what about the rest of the population? What milestones should the rest of the age groups have to belong to a certain mental age?

Description : Some adults are said to have a mind of a child, but what about the rest of the population? What milestones should the rest of the age groups have to belong to a certain mental age?

Last Answer : answer:Good question Well it really is simplified into personality trait, one with the mind of a child is mentally immature whereas a mature individual or normal person is more settled in ... is more conditioned to respond to the responsibilities and events involved at that certain stage in life

Do you also sometimes have the feeling that was is happening to you at a certain moment has already happened before (deja vu) only to find out after a split second that you are wrong?

Description : Do you also sometimes have the feeling that was is happening to you at a certain moment has already happened before (deja vu) only to find out after a split second that you are wrong?

Last Answer : I don’t think anyone can actually predict future events. Most people experience deja vu and part of it involves an illusion that makes you think you know what happens next. :P It is incredibly fascinating and creepy too. I seem to experience it regularly, then not at all for a long period of time.

Are children born a certain way, or do the parents have tremendous influence?

Description : Are children born a certain way, or do the parents have tremendous influence?

Last Answer : answer:Well believe it or not a mother's actions while she's pregnant can affect the baby. I'm not just talking about the obvious physical outcomes, but any stress she experiences so does the ... both. Here is one of the documentaries I saw that went through what I mentioned above. Moving Forward

Is it possible that certain cases of general anxiety disorder require mediction?

Description : Is it possible that certain cases of general anxiety disorder require mediction?

Last Answer : I have GAD with acute panic attacks. After much experimentation, I will never go off my meds again. I've come to accept that I will be taking it for the rest of my life, and that's ok. (I' ... and the right dose for you. I am in complete agreement with your last statement. Best of luck to you!

What do you think of the phrase "woman of a certain age"?

Description : What do you think of the phrase "woman of a certain age"?

Last Answer : I “woman of a certain age” should be returned to the 1940s and 1950s where it belongs. It is sexist. Everyone’s of “a certain age” and why should it matter?

Why do you remember (or forget) how to do certain things?

Description : Why do you remember (or forget) how to do certain things?

Last Answer : In terms of human behavior (animal behavior) and survival skills, we have a combination of kinds of memory that allow us to remember how to do certain activities, some being as simple as walking and ... , and social or observational learning. Let me know if you'd like to learn more about those!

Why is it that I have such intelligent conversations with myself in my head that actually make sense but am never able to say them out loud?

Description : Why is it that I have such intelligent conversations with myself in my head that actually make sense but am never able to say them out loud?

Last Answer : I'm not in your head to be able to comment with actual knowledge of your case, but a few things come to mind. 1) The mind has incredible capacity to do huge amounts of complex parallel processing with ... by the time you got them into words). 5) Probably other things. :-) 6) Welcome to Fluther!

Do people make us feel things or are we always responsible for how we feel?

Description : Do people make us feel things or are we always responsible for how we feel?

Last Answer : I think it's a combination of the two. If I'm feeling low I can talk to a friend and they'll cheer me up. Did I become happier all on my own? On the flipside, you can always gain control of ... to make me mad at all. Our surroundings always make us feel, but we can control how strong the feeling is.

What do we mean when we say "me"? A thought experiment.

Description : What do we mean when we say "me"? A thought experiment.

Last Answer : What does this have to do with the word ‘me’?

Which of the following is very reactive and kept in kerosene? (1) Sodium (2) Potassium (3) Iodine (4) Bromine

Description : Which of the following is very reactive and kept in kerosene? (1) Sodium (2) Potassium (3) Iodine (4) Bromine

Last Answer : (1) Sodium Explanation: Sodium is a very reactive metal. It reacts vigorously with oxygen and water. A lot of heat is generated in this process. Therefore, it is stored in kerosene to avoid contacts between either atmospheric oxygen or water.

CFC (chloro fluoro carbon) is very highly reactive in causing depletion of ozone layer in the atmosphere. Each atom of chlorine liberated from CFC is capable of decomposing __________ molecules of ozone. (A) 10 2 (B) 10 5 (C) 10 9 (D) 10 15

Description : CFC (chloro fluoro carbon) is very highly reactive in causing depletion of ozone layer in the atmosphere. Each atom of chlorine liberated from CFC is capable of decomposing __________ molecules of ozone. (A) 10 2 (B) 10 5 (C) 10 9 (D) 10 15

Last Answer : (B) 10 5

Which of the following is very reactive and kept in kerosene? (1) Sodium (2) Potassium (3) Iodine (4) Bromine

Description : Which of the following is very reactive and kept in kerosene? (1) Sodium (2) Potassium (3) Iodine (4) Bromine

Last Answer : Sodium

Is there a scientific explanation for how we can feel someone staring at us?

Description : Is there a scientific explanation for how we can feel someone staring at us?

Last Answer : Well, I'd argue the whole brain is designed to keep us a live. We're built to determine within a quick second whether we are attracted to someone, or fear them. Should we fear ... and might like it, and therefore stay in the vicinity. The hypothalamus controls our initial emotional disbursements.

Why do we as humans partake in activities we know are potentially fatal or will kill us over time?

Description : Why do we as humans partake in activities we know are potentially fatal or will kill us over time?

Last Answer : We have an instinct to destroy ourselves. My guess is it is the same mentality that reduces America to the highest percentage of obese citizens. Another snickers bar anyone?

Collective memory question: how soon do we forgive... (insert your celebrity here, and then add the time it takes, in your opinion, to forgive them).

Description : Collective memory question: how soon do we forgive... (insert your celebrity here, and then add the time it takes, in your opinion, to forgive them).

Last Answer : answer:Not sure I’m doing this right, but here goes…. Lionel Richie. His discography. I say, we should forgive him in 2048.

What makes some females very dominant in bed or relationships?

Description : What makes some females very dominant in bed or relationships?

Last Answer : Probably the same thing that makes some males very dominant in bed or relationships.

Have you ever become the very person you used to judge and criticize?

Description : Have you ever become the very person you used to judge and criticize?

Last Answer : I used to think prostate issues only happened to old guys.

I want to be super smart from psychology, and super wise from philosophy, and very charismatic from religion.... How can I get this kind of power, even a taste?

Description : I want to be super smart from psychology, and super wise from philosophy, and very charismatic from religion.... How can I get this kind of power, even a taste?

Last Answer : You’ve just described the super asshole I’ll avoid at parties.

I'm a very visual person. Any tips for concentrating on what I hear and not getting distracted by what I see?

Description : I'm a very visual person. Any tips for concentrating on what I hear and not getting distracted by what I see?

Last Answer : answer:Taking notes will help. You have to kook down at the peper or the screen and it will keep you from getting visually distracted. When listening to someone, you could close your eyes. Don’t owrry about audio books. I can’t ever get into them either.

How can one be extremely happy and very sad all at the same time?

Description : How can one be extremely happy and very sad all at the same time?

Last Answer : I remind myself that Life is Too Short and the death of such a young person only hammers this point home and removes a big part of that guilt I used to feel about wanting to living life to it’s fullest. Now I just do it and feel great every step of the way.

I come into contact with young adults and teens on line and they take things Very literally, is it just my impression?

Description : I come into contact with young adults and teens on line and they take things Very literally, is it just my impression?

Last Answer : I’m curious to hear an example of this. I’m a young adult (18) and I’ve been on Q&A sites since I was 14 and I have been accused of taking things “too literally” before. But I can’t seem to come up with an example. :) What’s an example that you’ve seen of this?

Does it make sense to say teens who don't do the following are more mature?

Description : Does it make sense to say teens who don't do the following are more mature?

Last Answer : By the way, inspite of the “Does it make sense… part of my OP, it doesn’t mean I think it doesn’t make sense.

What tells you more about a persons motivations: what they say they believe or how they behave?

Description : What tells you more about a persons motivations: what they say they believe or how they behave?

Last Answer : answer:How they behave, duh! For example, a typical corporate CEO will give a speech, ”...we care about the quality of life of all people, and give generously to the United Way…” and then lay off thousands of employees so they add another Lamborghini to their collection.

How many people would say they are influenced by advertising?

Description : How many people would say they are influenced by advertising?

Last Answer : Interesting wording of your Q. I know a lot of who claim that they are not influenced by advertising at all, but I think they have missed the mark by a mile. We are influenced by everything. ... , a color combo, they got you. It takes an astonishingly aware person to resist altogether the influence.

Are the things people routinely say to lessen grief actually making it worse?

Description : Are the things people routinely say to lessen grief actually making it worse?

Last Answer : I agree with you. Saying things like “She’s in a better place now” presupposes that the mourner believes in an after-life which may or may not be true. I think quiet empathy without pushing one’s beliefs is much more helpful.

Why do people say they are open-minded?

Description : Why do people say they are open-minded?

Last Answer : It’s just a saying like “I’m outgoing”. It’s up to you to decide who really is open minded, and it also depends on what you want them to be open minded about. If you’re trying to get people to see the other side to ruthlessly murdering kittens, they’re not going to be open minded.

Do you find that people who tend to boast about their accomplishments and continually say how wonderful they are, are overcompensating? That they're lacking in some other area?

Description : Do you find that people who tend to boast about their accomplishments and continually say how wonderful they are, are overcompensating? That they're lacking in some other area?

Last Answer : answer:Usually, but not necessarily the rule. Depends on how the boasting is being applied. And usually it is an insecurity of some sort.

WHY do people refuse to say excuse me and then get annoyed with you for not moving...

Description : WHY do people refuse to say excuse me and then get annoyed with you for not moving...

Last Answer : I think the overall reason is a feeling of self-importance. Who am I, that I have to tell you what I'm doing? You should be moving for me! You are less important than I am, so step ... People are just plain rude these days. This is the same reason no one uses indicators to change lanes anymore.

Is it true that reactive oxygen species (ROS) have only one electron and that causes them to be unstable and thus try to grab an electron from other molecules?

Description : Is it true that reactive oxygen species (ROS) have only one electron and that causes them to be unstable and thus try to grab an electron from other molecules?

Last Answer : answer:You're close, but it's not that they have one electron. Usually they need one electron (you can have species that need more, but one is more typical). The Reactive' bit comes from the ... unpaired electron, by the way). However, 7 is the most common and tends to have the higher reactivity.

What would you think of if your Sister says that you have “offended” her but won’t say why?

Description : What would you think of if your Sister says that you have “offended” her but won’t say why?

Last Answer : It sounds like she is ignoring your committment to your club and thinks you should be at the wedding. $12k is a pretty hefty wedding gift, so she sounds a little unreasonable. But the sibling dynamic is foreign to me, maybe call and talk it out?

What do these experiments say about free will?

Description : What do these experiments say about free will?

Last Answer : To answer this, one really needs to define what constitutes Free Will . Theologically, Free Will means that a higher power or deity does not interfere with the actions of an entity. While the conscious mind ... being, it is (when not wired up by the good doctor) free to express its own volition.

Should I say something or should I just leave the group?

Description : Should I say something or should I just leave the group?

Last Answer : In this case, your impatience is a response to someone else not having respect for the dignity and worth of everyone else in the group (including you). And criticism, when aimed at improving someone's ... it is the act of a friend. An enemy would just leave someone to their ignorance and vice.

Do you often say things you later on wish you hadn't?

Description : Do you often say things you later on wish you hadn't?

Last Answer : Not “often.” It’s a painful lesson to learn, and I’ve learned it.

What does it mean when scientists say parts of your brain are "closed"?

Description : What does it mean when scientists say parts of your brain are "closed"?

Last Answer : answer:Much of learning is from building neural pathways in the brain to expedite processing. That is much more rapid when we are younger, and makes learning much faster. To use an analogy to a ... still has room, but finding fresh spaces on the disk to write information to becomes more difficult.

Does voice of a person say anything to you about his/her personality?

Description : Does voice of a person say anything to you about his/her personality?

Last Answer : Nope

Why would your friend secretly write down things you say?

Description : Why would your friend secretly write down things you say?

Last Answer : answer:Is this hypothetical or are you describing a real-life scenario? In either case. how would you know if someone is doing that if he is writing secretly? In an earlier question you mentioned that you ... at the moment. If this person is bugging you, carry on with the plan of making new friends.

What has your kid done lately that made you say - "Yup, that's my kid?"?

Description : What has your kid done lately that made you say - "Yup, that's my kid?"?

Last Answer : I don’t have any kids, but my brother and I share a lot of traits. I was helping one of his kids fill out a FASFA and as I started writing stuff out she laughed and said “He writes just like Daddy.” We both have lousy handwriting. Or as my stepfather says, You plant a potato you get a potato.

Can a person truly not care what an entire society has to say?

Description : Can a person truly not care what an entire society has to say?

Last Answer : People are sensitive to ostracization. That’s why it works. We are social animals.

You end up handcuffed together with someone. Using ONLY 3 words what would you say?

Description : You end up handcuffed together with someone. Using ONLY 3 words what would you say?

Last Answer : Megan Fox. “Need to pee?”

What do you think you are saying when you say "I'm bored"?

Description : What do you think you are saying when you say "I'm bored"?

Last Answer : I don’t know this as I am very seldom (if ever) bored.

What do you say to a seven and a half year old when they ask you why their parents fight?

Description : What do you say to a seven and a half year old when they ask you why their parents fight?

Last Answer : “some people love each other but have a hard time getting along. And it is between Mom and Dad, and not about you. They each love you in their own way.”

What am I supposed to say?

Description : What am I supposed to say?

Last Answer : I don't know what a normal person would say either, but I think in sentiment they would tend to agree with you. If my friend said that to me, I would respond with something like this: It ... while putting it in a way that might actually help the other person to see the matter in different terms.

What does research into memory tell us, about how memory is organised in the brain?

Description : What does research into memory tell us, about how memory is organised in the brain?

Last Answer : answer:This may not fit into what you are looking for, but I found it fascinating. The older we get, the less likely we are able to multitask. Here is one article on it. There was also a ... in a different way. Their brain works differently. Until we understand why, how can we properly assist them?

Why do things bother us the way they do?

Description : Why do things bother us the way they do?

Last Answer : Dissonance. We don’t deal well with it.