Any advice on how to talk to young children about adoption?

Any advice on how to talk to young children about adoption?
by

1 Answer

Answer :

We explained it to our children thusly: Every mom and dad has two important jobs. One is to make babies and the other is to help them grow up. Most moms and dads can do both of these things. However, sometimes a mom and a dad can do one but not the other. That is when a smart mom and dad make a team with another smart mom and dad that can do the job they can’t. That way, the babies get made with love and then are helped to grow up with love. That seems to have worked with our two, both of whom are adopted. We also have read them Jamie Lee Curtis’ books starting with “Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born,” which is about adopting her daughter. She also might look around for a book by Marlo Thomas about how families are made in different ways and how everyone can be what they want to be. We also put together a book for each of them of their first year with us and included everything we had about and from their birth parents and our trips to meet them for the first time.
by

Related questions

What is your view on adoption from the childs perspective?

Description : What is your view on adoption from the childs perspective?

Last Answer : All parents make mistakes, and not all parents whether real of adoptive are not perfect. If you are angry about the things they said can you not talk to them? If you are an adult now perhaps distance yourself from them if you find them hurtful.

How does a parent talk to their high-school-aged children about stress?

Description : How does a parent talk to their high-school-aged children about stress?

Last Answer : answer:MY parents never used the word stress. My sibs and I were dream children as far as they were concerned lots of bragging rights so it never came up directly. I think that the best ... any important emotional information about me with them. I used my friends as therapists, and vice versa.

How young do you think a child could go without their mom for two weeks?

Description : How young do you think a child could go without their mom for two weeks?

Last Answer : I think three is a fine age. It will be a good experience for her. She will miss you, but she will be learning that mommies have a life too.

Parenting: What is the best way for a young child to handle bullying?

Description : Parenting: What is the best way for a young child to handle bullying?

Last Answer : answer:I think it was handled just fine. My daughter was being bullied in first grade regularly. As we taught her, she asked the boy to stop politely, two or three times. No joy. Then she told ... in the eye. Scared the shit out of him. Never happened again. Sometimes, polite words aren't enough.

Were you damaged by the lies your parents told you when you were young?

Description : Were you damaged by the lies your parents told you when you were young?

Last Answer : answer:Nope. :\ I have nothing but fond memories of such things.

How have you helped a young kid you love to deal with the challenges of emerging sexuality?

Description : How have you helped a young kid you love to deal with the challenges of emerging sexuality?

Last Answer : Talk early and often about sexuality, and it’s attendant benefits and consequenses.

Do you have advice for parents of a teen with sexual identity issues?

Description : Do you have advice for parents of a teen with sexual identity issues?

Last Answer : answer:I don't have a clearcut answer for you but I think your instincts sound great and your opening and questioning attitude should help guide you. As always with parenting listening more than ... number of people here with varying gender identities so this can be a great resource for you.

Can you provide me with some wise advice about this teenage daughter situation?

Description : Can you provide me with some wise advice about this teenage daughter situation?

Last Answer : Is he like this because he is spoiled or neglected?

I really need parenting help/advice - Part 2?

Description : I really need parenting help/advice - Part 2?

Last Answer : You are the parent, you’re in control – smirk back and ignore it. Remember who is the adult here and continue with consistency.

In December, my fiance wants me to be a stay-at-home-mom any advice or anything I should be aware of?

Description : In December, my fiance wants me to be a stay-at-home-mom any advice or anything I should be aware of?

Last Answer : The most important question you should be asking yourself is do you want to be a stay-at-home mom?

Advice for expectant father from experienced fathers/mothers?

Description : Advice for expectant father from experienced fathers/mothers?

Last Answer : The best thing you can do is just be there for her. If the two of you have a birth plan, you can help to make sure the hospital staff is aware of it and sticks to it. Basically, be an ... to make the atmosphere more relaxing. A CD player with some soothing music or some massage oil might be nice.

Do you think for young men there is a contradiction in telling teens to give up their baby for adoption and walking away from their children?

Description : Do you think for young men there is a contradiction in telling teens to give up their baby for adoption and walking away from their children?

Last Answer : The child is THE most important person here. I’m not entirely sure that I understand the question, Could you explain further?

When someone says single parent, specifically unwed moms raising their children, what pops into your head?

Description : When someone says single parent, specifically unwed moms raising their children, what pops into your head?

Last Answer : answer:If you had said child I would have thought of a teenager raising her result of a wild night. But you said children , so I think of either a divorced mother or a woman having ... them properly despite being looked down on by the whole society. They both deserve more than what they have.

Why is having your own flesh and blood children, so important?

Description : Why is having your own flesh and blood children, so important?

Last Answer : Because my genes are so pure and noble, and commoners would never understand.~ Pfft. My gene pool is a cesspool. Why would I want to pass that on?

How are the children of teenage parents doing as adults?

Description : How are the children of teenage parents doing as adults?

Last Answer : Married no kids, work a lot, no police record, and a clean driving record. Psychologically maybe scarred up.

If your children are perfectly well behaved and kind, and the come to stay with you a few weekends a month, is there any way to avoid spoiling them?

Description : If your children are perfectly well behaved and kind, and the come to stay with you a few weekends a month, is there any way to avoid spoiling them?

Last Answer : I think consistency is so important in parenting. And all the better if both parents maintain similar rules, even in divorce.Perhaps even more so in a divorce situation, (to establish security in children). Also to ... visit. Is it for pizza or fun, or is it for real dad time.That kind of thing.

Is this par for the course with grown children? Am I being petty?

Description : Is this par for the course with grown children? Am I being petty?

Last Answer : answer:No I don't think you are. Even if they were your grand-kids, and I know this is not the point, you would be allowed' to stipulate when you can or cannot baby sit. I think this is an ... Then when the parent is gone, they realize the mistakes they made. You can't really change that, I feel.

Does spanking children really teach anything to our children in a positive perspective?

Description : Does spanking children really teach anything to our children in a positive perspective?

Last Answer : I don’t think so, but there is also a difference between a swat, spanking, and hitting. I don’t think spanking and hitting are necessary.

Why do so many parents seem to allow their female children to dress like they are on offer?

Description : Why do so many parents seem to allow their female children to dress like they are on offer?

Last Answer : We have reached a point in society where personifying objects, and objectifying people is the norm. It’s broken on both ends.

What's your take on how children are raised based on the ages of their parents? See details.

Description : What's your take on how children are raised based on the ages of their parents? See details.

Last Answer : answer:@JilltheTooth - The details you provided are perfect to start a discussion. It's dangerous turf, so we all need to keep in mind there are plenty of opinions which are not necessarily true or false ... http://how-old-is-too-old.blogspot.com/2009/01/for-now-prospective-parents-might-want.html

Will my children grow up to be thriving adults? Will I go crazy before they get there? Will we still like each other?

Description : Will my children grow up to be thriving adults? Will I go crazy before they get there? Will we still like each other?

Last Answer : answer:They will always love you. Be the best you can be. Don’t sweat the little stuff. And… RELAX!

Am I being fair in not letting my children have a relationship with their deadbeat father?

Description : Am I being fair in not letting my children have a relationship with their deadbeat father?

Last Answer : First off, good luck. Second, it may well be his GF not wanting him to see his kids but that is not an excuse. He should tell her to pound sand. Third, he may grow up one day and really want ... really ready to be that person. A simple break up with his GF probably won't cut it. Again, good luck.

Should parents who allow their children to become morbidly obese be charged with neglect?

Description : Should parents who allow their children to become morbidly obese be charged with neglect?

Last Answer : Yes

Do children owe their parents anything?

Description : Do children owe their parents anything?

Last Answer : More of that same unconditional love and acceptance of what their parents decide to do with their lives after the children are off on their own. In a perfect world the roles would gradually ... and crumble, their children will make sure they have adequate housing, food, clothing and medical care.

Do parents owe their children anything?

Description : Do parents owe their children anything?

Last Answer : You don’t have any children do you?

How do you discipline your children? Do you think that 'beating' them is right?

Description : How do you discipline your children? Do you think that 'beating' them is right?

Last Answer : Most child development experts agree that physical punishment is ineffective, and only serves to alleviate the anger of the adult, rather than actually teach a lesson. We have a 2 year old and a ... -3 Magic system, which seems to work really well and was recommended to us by our pediatrician.

Is it harmful to tell children "you are special, just the way you are"?

Description : Is it harmful to tell children "you are special, just the way you are"?

Last Answer : I don't think so. Telling a child they are special just the way they are, does not equal entitlement. I think telling a child that is more so they accept who they are, flaws and all. That first article ... and let a child grow and learn to be an adult. There are life lessons that need to be taught.

What is the best approach to exposing your children to alcohol?

Description : What is the best approach to exposing your children to alcohol?

Last Answer : Not even 3? Surely that’s too young. Alcohol needs to be taboo for children.

Why don't parents like their children to have personal lives?

Description : Why don't parents like their children to have personal lives?

Last Answer : answer:I’m on my iPhone, so I can’t look for a link, but I answered a similar question a couple months ago… Perhaps another Ask-public will recall and kindly post a link. I think it was asked by Squirbel or maybe Bulbatron :-/

Is the"generation gap" between Baby Boomers and their children is as great as the one between Boomers and their parents?

Description : Is the"generation gap" between Baby Boomers and their children is as great as the one between Boomers and their parents?

Last Answer : Greater.

Is my son's behavior suspicious?

Description : Is my son's behavior suspicious?

Last Answer : No. I don't agree. According to this post your son has bipolar disorder and anger anxiety/related issues. His behavior is likely symptomatic of his condition - Not suspicious of whatever else you imagine ... person and keep calling him out . It just makes me wonder who's obsessing about what.

Why would anyone say such a thing? (See details)

Description : Why would anyone say such a thing? (See details)

Last Answer : Maybe your son does know the person.

How to deal with my parents?

Description : How to deal with my parents?

Last Answer : Not sure of the societal standards where you are from. But at 25, it is time to stand up to your father. When he comes to your house to harangue you, send him on his way. When he wants to tell you ... , but wouldn't get demanding or angry if they didn't take it. It is their lives to lead not mine.

Why do we call sending a child to his/her room as "grounded" ?

Description : Why do we call sending a child to his/her room as "grounded" ?

Last Answer : It was originally a piloting term that got borrowed by parents. When pilots aren't allowed to fly for some reason-including bad behavior-they are said to be grounded (since they are stuck on the ... want, the term got applied in that context as well (originally as slang, but then it stuck).

Can a parent hire a babysitter or nanny for 18 years?

Description : Can a parent hire a babysitter or nanny for 18 years?

Last Answer : I figure some rich people probably do.

How do you teach someone that they shouldn’t lie?

Description : How do you teach someone that they shouldn’t lie?

Last Answer : You point to our President as the model for what can be achieved through telling the truth.

Why do some dads act like their daughters are their sweethearts?

Description : Why do some dads act like their daughters are their sweethearts?

Last Answer : I can understand your discomfort. I guess it depends on how this parent’s generation were raised, it was a different time back then. It can also be a factor of the daughter’s own behavior and personality, some girls are tomboys so they require a more normal treatment.

As a child, when you were crying, did your parents ever threaten you with violence to make you stop?

Description : As a child, when you were crying, did your parents ever threaten you with violence to make you stop?

Last Answer : No. That sort of threat was usually reserved for inappropriate mirth.

If your father, or in some cases, mother hit you or abused you emotionally or sexually, how have you resolved/accepted/put it behind you?

Description : If your father, or in some cases, mother hit you or abused you emotionally or sexually, how have you resolved/accepted/put it behind you?

Last Answer : I have never entirely gotten over it. It is a life-long curse.

Are women more caring than men?

Description : Are women more caring than men?

Last Answer : Penguins and other birds, certain animals, seahorses share the burden. Human females carry the baby for nine months giving birth to a helpless baby, who remain that way til, well, 30 sometimes. I ... d say girls and women are usually the more caring, reliable and nurturing of our fucked-up species.

When did you move out of your parents or caregivers home?

Description : When did you move out of your parents or caregivers home?

Last Answer : 1966

What do you think about this punishment (details inside)?

Description : What do you think about this punishment (details inside)?

Last Answer : Good for dad!

Did you grow up with both biological parents?

Description : Did you grow up with both biological parents?

Last Answer : Yes

Current or Former Parents of Teenagers — What is/was your most effective coping mechanisms?

Description : Current or Former Parents of Teenagers — What is/was your most effective coping mechanisms?

Last Answer : We, my wife and I, found it best to disconnect when things got too emotionally charged. We would tag team with each other. When one got to worked up, we would self-impose a time out and the ... be fought over another day. Having someone at your side who is still being rational is such a blessing.

What is the difference between empowering and enabling?

Description : What is the difference between empowering and enabling?

Last Answer : Empowering enables the positive. Enabling enables the negative.

Did your parents support you, believe in you?

Description : Did your parents support you, believe in you?

Last Answer : No. They disowned me when I was 17. No loss. I disowned them at the same time!

Would you rather be super busy and have more money for your family or just get by and have a lot of time with your family?

Description : Would you rather be super busy and have more money for your family or just get by and have a lot of time with your family?

Last Answer : I’m a single mom with no family other than my 12 year old son. I need a balance. I work long hours when I have work and I just get by. I am used to busy. Would like a better paying job.

What are the best activities to do with a 9 year old that don't cost a lot of money?

Description : What are the best activities to do with a 9 year old that don't cost a lot of money?

Last Answer : You could let him help bake cookies, color and/or paint with him (if they still do that these days), put potting soil in egg cartons and plant seeds to put out later , color Easter eggs.

Are you (or were your parents) (or would you be) a free range parent or a helicopter parent, or somewhere in between?

Description : Are you (or were your parents) (or would you be) a free range parent or a helicopter parent, or somewhere in between?

Last Answer : answer:I have been a 0 as a parent. I never objected to my kids going where they wanted, as long as I knew where they were. It was a dynamic tension between trusting them and letting ... ; they would never allow their sons to be in the same circumstance. I thought they were overly fastidious.

My 12 year old daughter keeps saying she's ugly. What can I do to help?

Description : My 12 year old daughter keeps saying she's ugly. What can I do to help?

Last Answer : Your daughter strikes me as a compassionate and intelligent young woman. I think encouraging her to value attributes other than her looks would be a good plan. Can you get her involved in any ... herself for reasons beyond her prettiness is something that will be helpful to her across her life.