What would be your opening lines when for whatever reason you find yourself about to do a stand-up comedy in front eight thousand people?

What would be your opening lines when for whatever reason you find yourself about to do a stand-up comedy in front eight thousand people?
by

1 Answer

Answer :

“I suppose you are wondering why I called you all here.”
by

Related questions

Has anyone on Fluther written and performed stand up comedy at an open mic night?

Description : Has anyone on Fluther written and performed stand up comedy at an open mic night?

Last Answer : Good luck. I am good with puns and reactive humor, but I couldn’t pull off a comedy performance.

Any stand up comedians in the house? Share your first open mic routine experience?

Description : Any stand up comedians in the house? Share your first open mic routine experience?

Last Answer : Heh, we just had a gig tonight. I was singing a song and I completely forgot the words (and this is a song that I've sung a gazillion times). Instead of fumbling around, I did an impromptu comedy ... about 5 beats, it came to me and I finished the song. It got the biggest applause of the night.

Do you like to watch stand-up comedy?

Description : Do you like to watch stand-up comedy?

Last Answer : Jimmy Carr, on occasion.

Stand-up comedy - has anyone done this?

Description : Stand-up comedy - has anyone done this?

Last Answer : answer:This sounds interesting. I was half-drunk in a bar one night some thirty-odd years ago (okay, maybe more than half ) and I was easily persuaded to get up on stage for an open-mic thing. I had nothing ... come out on stage; they want to like you. If you don't hurt them, they won't hurt you.

Can you recommend a good stand up comedy clip?

Description : Can you recommend a good stand up comedy clip?

Last Answer : Dara O Briain on Creation and Evolution.

Which historical figure would you like to see do stand-up comedy?

Description : Which historical figure would you like to see do stand-up comedy?

Last Answer : Attila the Hun.

From what I've seen American audiences at stand up comedy events seem to cheer much more than they laugh, as opposed to British audiences who seem to laugh and only sometimes applaud, why is this?

Description : From what I've seen American audiences at stand up comedy events seem to cheer much more than they laugh, as opposed to British audiences who seem to laugh and only sometimes applaud, why is this?

Last Answer : The old British reserve.

Would you ever do stand up comedy?

Description : Would you ever do stand up comedy?

Last Answer : Probably not. I don’t think I’d be courageous enough to get up in front of the audience in the first place. Additionally, I would also be nervous about forgetting my material, not coming across as being funny enough, and not being able to improvise and use good timing in delivering my lines.

Who's hot in the world of stand-up comedy these days?

Description : Who's hot in the world of stand-up comedy these days?

Last Answer : answer:Lewis Black is funny, as is Margaret Cho And Stephen Lynch is a singing comedian… Think Adam Sandler-esqe Eddie Izzard is also pretty hilarious… I’m sure there’s quite a few more

What are some great comedy stand up performances during the past 10 years or so?

Description : What are some great comedy stand up performances during the past 10 years or so?

Last Answer : Ricky Gervais hosting the Golden Globes is GOLDEN.

Can you write down eight eights so that they add up to one thousand? -Riddles

Description : Can you write down eight eights so that they add up to one thousand? -Riddles

Last Answer : 888 + 88 + 8 + 8 + 8 = 1000.

Why dont we say "twenty o eight" instead of "two thousand eight"?

Description : Why dont we say "twenty o eight" instead of "two thousand eight"?

Last Answer : “Twenty o eight” is an idiom, where “two thousand eight” has the same meaning to all humanoids on the planet Earth at least the ones that use our time system…

Ben walked into a hardware store and asked the price of some items. The salesman said: One costs $1, Eight costs $1, Seventeen cost $2, One hundred four costs $3 and One thousand seventy two costs $4. What was Ben buying? -Riddles

Description : Ben walked into a hardware store and asked the price of some items. The salesman said: One costs $1, Eight costs $1, Seventeen cost $2, One hundred four costs $3 and One thousand seventy two costs $4. What was Ben buying? -Riddles

Last Answer : Ben was buying home address numbers and they cost $1 per digit.

How do you write eight thousand nine hundred eighteen millionths in decimal notation?

Description : How do you write eight thousand nine hundred eighteen millionths in decimal notation?

Last Answer : It is 0.008918

How do you write eight hundred six thousand two hundred fifty five in standard form?

Description : How do you write eight hundred six thousand two hundred fifty five in standard form?

Last Answer : You would write it like this: 806,255.

What is forty six thousand and fifty eight as a number?

Description : What is forty six thousand and fifty eight as a number?

Last Answer : It is 46058.

You are on a podium with a microphone in front of thousands of people. You have one minute to say whatever you want. What do you tell them?

Description : You are on a podium with a microphone in front of thousands of people. You have one minute to say whatever you want. What do you tell them?

Last Answer : And I had the time of my life, I've never felt this way before. Yes I swear, its the truth. And I owe it all to you!

Immigrants/expats/new arrivals/people! Whatever we use to refer to ourselves… What are the pros and cons of living in the country you find yourself in?

Description : Immigrants/expats/new arrivals/people! Whatever we use to refer to ourselves… What are the pros and cons of living in the country you find yourself in?

Last Answer : It’s so cold my hair snaps off if it’s wet outside

When you're out and about by yourself, running errands, having lunch, whatever, do you look at your phone often? Infrequently? When you're with friends and/or family, doing whatever you do, do you look at your phone a lot or infrequently?

Description : When you're out and about by yourself, running errands, having lunch, whatever, do you look at your phone often? Infrequently? When you're with friends and/or family, doing whatever you do, do you look at your phone a lot or infrequently?

Last Answer : I'm one of the last to not carry a cell phone so when I am out and about I chat up others or just go about my business or, if I am in a cafe or coffee place I might take some reading ... my local bakery/cafe and ask-public while enjoying a goodie once in awhile but I haven't done that forever now.

Your photography, to whatever level, do you consider yourself as taking a photo, or making one?

Description : Your photography, to whatever level, do you consider yourself as taking a photo, or making one?

Last Answer : You might make the final images, but you take pictures of real people who have rights to their own image or real places.

How would you describe yourself -- history, personality, spirituality, whatever, in a way that best reflects the you you are now?

Description : How would you describe yourself -- history, personality, spirituality, whatever, in a way that best reflects the you you are now?

Last Answer : grim

Career planning is an activity that requires (1) analysing one's personality, interests, abilities, aspirations, strengths and weaknesses. (2) working hard at your studies, acquiring new skills as you move along in life and involving yourself in cultural/sports activities. (3) following three important steps in consultation with one's career counsellor, and making a plan that may work. (4) understanding and being aware of the fact that whatever the consequences of one's planning the truth a about as king a plan is that it may not work

Description : Career planning is an activity that requires (1) analysing one's personality, interests, abilities, aspirations, strengths and weaknesses. (2) working hard at your studies, acquiring new skills as you move along in ... of one's planning the truth a about as king a plan is that it may not work

Last Answer : (1) analysing one's personality, interests, abilities, aspirations, strengths and weaknesses.

Does anyone have an opinion about having prostate surgery with a young surgeon using a DaVinci machine vs. an old school surgeon with lots of experience but known for opening the patient up from front to back?

Description : Does anyone have an opinion about having prostate surgery with a young surgeon using a DaVinci machine vs. an old school surgeon with lots of experience but known for opening the patient up from front to back?

Last Answer : I wish you luck my initial reaction is to go with the young doc

What is that opening in the front of your boxer shorts for?

Description : What is that opening in the front of your boxer shorts for?

Last Answer : It’s so you can access your junk without having to pull your underwear down every time. Whether to pee, or for other shady reasons… But since this is in Social, I’m sure you’re going to get a lot of interesting answers…

A wealthy man lives alone in a small cottage. Being partially handicapped, he had everything delivered to his cottage. The mailman was delivering a letter one Thursday when he noticed that the front door was ajar. Through the opening, he could see the man's body lying in a pool of dried blood. When a police officer arrived he surveyed the scene. On the porch were two bottles of warm milk, Monday's newspaper, a catalogue, flyers, and unopened mail. The police officer suspects it was foul play. Who does he suspect and why? -Riddles

Description : A wealthy man lives alone in a small cottage. Being partially handicapped, he had everything delivered to his cottage. The mailman was delivering a letter one Thursday when he noticed that the front door ... mail. The police officer suspects it was foul play. Who does he suspect and why? -Riddles

Last Answer : The police officer suspects the newspaper delivery person. The absence of Tuesday's and Wednesday's newspaper indicates that the delivery person knew there was no one there to read it.

Lead is the name of: A. Main Feature B. Opening Editorial C. Leading story on the front page D. None of these

Description : Lead is the name of: A. Main Feature B. Opening Editorial C. Leading story on the front page D. None of these

Last Answer : B. Opening Editorial

A person entering an empty room suddenly finds a snake right in front on opening the door. Which one of the following is likely to happen in his neuro- hormonal control system? (a) Sympathetic nervous system is activated releasing epinephrine and norepinephrine from adrenal medulla. (b) Neurotransmitters diffuse rapidly across the cleft and transmit a nerve impulse. (c) Hypothalamus activates the parasympathetic division of brain. (d) Sympathetic nervous system is activated releasing epinephrine and norepinephrine from adrenal cortex.

Description : A person entering an empty room suddenly finds a snake right in front on opening the door. Which one of the following is likely to happen in his neuro- hormonal control system? ... brain. (d) Sympathetic nervous system is activated releasing epinephrine and norepinephrine from adrenal cortex.

Last Answer : (a) Sympathetic nervous system is activated releasing epinephrine and norepinephrine from adrenal medulla.

A person entering an empty room suddenly finds a snake right in front on opening the door. Which one of the following is likely to happen in his neuro-hormonal control system ? (1) Sympathetic nervous system is activated releasing epinephrin and norepinephrin from adrenal cortex (2) Sympathetic nervous system is activated releasing epinephrin and norepinephrin from adrenal medulla (3) Neurotransmitters diffuse rapidly across the cleft and transmit a nerve impulse (4) Hypothalamus activates the parasympathetic division of brain

Description : A person entering an empty room suddenly finds a snake right in front on opening the door. Which one of the following is likely to happen in his neuro-hormonal control system ? (1 ... across the cleft and transmit a nerve impulse (4) Hypothalamus activates the parasympathetic division of brain

Last Answer : (2) Sympathetic nervous system is activated releasing epinephrin and norepinephrin from adrenal medulla

In rabbit food does not normally enter into the wind pipe because during feeding (a) Epiglottis and tongue cover the glottis (b) Nodule called cartilage of santorini plug the larynx (c) The cartilage called arytenoid lie between larynx and glottis (d) The circular muscles at the front of trachea contract and close its opening

Description : In rabbit food does not normally enter into the wind pipe because during feeding (a) Epiglottis and tongue cover the glottis (b) Nodule called cartilage of santorini plug the larynx (c) The ... larynx and glottis (d) The circular muscles at the front of trachea contract and close its opening

Last Answer : (a) Epiglottis and tongue cover the glottis

Whatever the reason, politics, religion, power, what pushes people into extremism?

Description : Whatever the reason, politics, religion, power, what pushes people into extremism?

Last Answer : I suppose it would help to define “extremism”. Are you referring to holding beliefs that are far from the mainstream, or are you referring to behavior?

How do you deal with difficult people, people who you don't like, for whatever reason?

Description : How do you deal with difficult people, people who you don't like, for whatever reason?

Last Answer : answer:I usually try to be overly polite to them, to show they're doing something to provoke that attitude from me. If they are really making me angry, they're also generally stupid, at least regarding whatever ... is if it's your boss. That you just have to deal with unless you're about to quit.

Can someone write an opening paragraph for me as if you are a reporter on the subject of philosophers like Montesquieu Locke and Voltaire and make sure you take a stand in the opening?

Description : Can someone write an opening paragraph for me as if you are a reporter on the subject of philosophers like Montesquieu Locke and Voltaire and make sure you take a stand in the opening?

Last Answer : No we cannot write a paragraph for you as if reporter writing onthe subject of philosophers like Montesquieu Locke and Voltaire.This is the stand we take, since you are the student and we arenot.

If you had thoughts that you are ready to die or if you die at that moment for whatever reason it’s fine with you, what were those thoughts?

Description : If you had thoughts that you are ready to die or if you die at that moment for whatever reason it’s fine with you, what were those thoughts?

Last Answer : I would be upset that I never amounted to anything.

If a person says something and another person hears it and takes offense, or feels insulted, for whatever reason, is it always the speaker's fault?

Description : If a person says something and another person hears it and takes offense, or feels insulted, for whatever reason, is it always the speaker's fault?

Last Answer : Do you really want to go there @Dutchess?

What unrelated (or not) abbreviations/acronyms are like ICBM, for whatever reason?

Description : What unrelated (or not) abbreviations/acronyms are like ICBM, for whatever reason?

Last Answer : IBM. CoopCo. SAM CEO Tons out there. There is nothing “interesting” about it. It’s just easier and faster than saying, “Intercontinental Ballistic Missile.” Takes up less characters, too.

Have you ever heard of any adult whose skin is so dry (for whatever reason) that they need to take sponge baths on an ongoing basis, for long periods of time?

Description : Have you ever heard of any adult whose skin is so dry (for whatever reason) that they need to take sponge baths on an ongoing basis, for long periods of time?

Last Answer : answer:I would assume she has had her thyroid checked since she has been to the doctor so much, but if not that would be my first suggestion. Also, iron levels. Bathing might be drying her skin. ... oils that would help. Is her water hard where she lives? NY generally has a nice level of softness.

If our currency lost its value for whatever reason, would you find gold valuable?

Description : If our currency lost its value for whatever reason, would you find gold valuable?

Last Answer : answer:That equation actually depends on nearly the same things our faux currency's value hinges on-how much others thinks the metal is worth. Gold probably has more intrinsic value than paper. It's useful in ... me what has real value. Life, and those things that support it come first in my book.

Given the choice would you rather encourage another person to their best possible potential in life, or break them down for whatever reason?

Description : Given the choice would you rather encourage another person to their best possible potential in life, or break them down for whatever reason?

Last Answer : Best potential.

You're on Facebook, but, for whatever reason (perhaps, because of your job), you don't want to post your real name. What name would you use?

Description : You're on Facebook, but, for whatever reason (perhaps, because of your job), you don't want to post your real name. What name would you use?

Last Answer : Weiner

What is one or maybe more sports that for whatever reason you can't or won't wrap your head around?

Description : What is one or maybe more sports that for whatever reason you can't or won't wrap your head around?

Last Answer : Rugby…everyone has so much brain damage anyways- hey! Thery’re passing the ball the wrong way!

Is there a line in a book that for whatever reason you have memorised?

Description : Is there a line in a book that for whatever reason you have memorised?

Last Answer : “In the beginning, the universe was created. This made a lot of people very angry, and has been widely regarded as a bad idea.”

Is there anything from your childhood home (a piece of decor, say) that stands out in your mind (for whatever reason), when thinking back?

Description : Is there anything from your childhood home (a piece of decor, say) that stands out in your mind (for whatever reason), when thinking back?

Last Answer : The girl next door?

Some memorable opening/closing lines from a book?

Description : Some memorable opening/closing lines from a book?

Last Answer : It was the day my grandmother exploded. – The Crow Road (Iain M. Banks)

What would be the opening & closing lines in your autobiography?

Description : What would be the opening & closing lines in your autobiography?

Last Answer : answer:It was the best of times, it was the worst of times… … yes, yes, I said yes, I mean yes.

What does it mean, when two pigeons stand in front of each other, slightly touching their chests?

Description : What does it mean, when two pigeons stand in front of each other, slightly touching their chests?

Last Answer : Methinks you are obsessed with alien and/or anal probes, loli.

There are theater box offices that are stand alone little rooms in front of the theater; what are these types of structures referred to as?

Description : There are theater box offices that are stand alone little rooms in front of the theater; what are these types of structures referred to as?

Last Answer : Kiosk?

Why is it a rule in most public buldings to not stand in front or by a fire exit?(open door or not) it makes no sense to me if there was a fire I would just leave like everyone else.

Description : Why is it a rule in most public buldings to not stand in front or by a fire exit?(open door or not) it makes no sense to me if there was a fire I would just leave like everyone else.

Last Answer : It might be cause if there’s a fire people have to get out of the building quickly, and if someone is standing in front of it then the can’t get out.

Is there any logical reason why hotdogs come in packages of twelve and buns....eight?

Description : Is there any logical reason why hotdogs come in packages of twelve and buns....eight?

Last Answer : no. It’s just the easy it is.

Apart from renewing bearings is there any reason for opening up motors for maintenance?

Description : Apart from renewing bearings is there any reason for opening up motors for maintenance?

Last Answer : Ask E/O. Insulation checks and renewal (example using insulation spray on stator winding insulation).

Does the present military have a decompression time for soldiers right from the front lines?

Description : Does the present military have a decompression time for soldiers right from the front lines?

Last Answer : answer:I think anyone will tell you there’s really nothing to be done. All the stuff you come home with doesn’t go away after a week or a year, it never does. That’s the price. EDIT: I probably don’t know shit though.