Am I a bad person for not being able to connect with my friend?

1 Answer

Answer :

It sounds like your friendship has run its course. You have probably noticed by this time in your life that some of the people you were good friends with in high school and college have drifted away from each other because you really have nothing in common anymore. That sounds like what has happened here. Some friends drift away for a few years and reconnect later in life. Maybe this will happen to this friendship. But in the meantime it seems you both are struggling to have conversations because you have nothing in common. I wouldn’t make an effort to connect with her, but if she texts, text back. It costs nothing to be cordial.

Related questions

Description : Am I a bad friend?

Last Answer : Feelings are never wrong, but acting on them could be. It seems to me as if you're feeling a bit sorry for yourself at the moment nothing wrong with that, we all do it from time to time! ... could do to improve my situation, instead of focusing on changing his. And you're a good Fluther friend :)

Description : Am I being cold and selfish, or is my friend overreacting?

Last Answer : answer:hmmm. does he have more than friendship on his mind? I’m sure he is hurt, but you need to look ahead to your future as well. see if there is a compromise. You know any roommates for him?

Description : What would you do if a good friend goes bad?

Last Answer : I would no longer try to make plans with them and phase them out.

Description : Is it a bad thing to go out with the guy your good friend likes?

Last Answer : Confess the truth. Tell her about the four days you dated, the profession of forever love you two made to each other, and your plan to have his child at 24. Maybe tomorrow you could confess this all to ... a wedding gown for you and a bridesmaid dress for her. Never to early to plan for forever ...

Description : How do you respond to the friend who tries to be logical at you when you are having a bad time?

Last Answer : Be happy that someone has enough interest in your issues to try to help. To have any other reaction is selfish.

Description : Would I be a bad friend to not help her move?

Last Answer : Not your apartment, there are 4 other girls that will be living there, so, no I wouldn’t feel bad about not helping. She does not have to clean the minute she moves in. She can wait for the other girls, who will be living there.

Description : How would you deal with a friend whose conversations with you make you feel like you're being interviewed?

Last Answer : Is it possible to turn the conversation to her and say, “I’ve talked enough about me, i’d lie to hear what’s doing in your life?” I have a cousin who does the same thing so I’ll be following this.

Description : Can you please help me determine whether I did something terrible in neglecting my friend, or is she being overly sensitive?

Last Answer : You aren’t going to like my answer, but you dropped the ball on this one. Your “best friend” lost her husband and you were too busy trick or treating and couldn’t find 5 minutes to see how she was doing? You weren’t being a good friend.

Description : What should I do about my friend being a jerk?

Last Answer : You are only responsible for yourself. You are not responsible for what he may or may not do to himself. Please drop this person as a friend because he is not your friend. Try to surround yourself with positive people so that you can see how positive life can be.

Description : Is my friend being overly competitive?

Last Answer : Not knowing the person, I couldn't begin to analyze her behavior. However, you may want to evaluate your definition of friend , as this person does not seem to be a genuine friend to you. You've given ... she has some issues to work on, and I think you might be better off without her in your life.

Description : Is it OK to dumb yourself down in order to enjoy being with a certain friend?

Last Answer : I’m in the same boat with some of my friends, but I came to the conclusion that we’re all different and we don’t have to be the same to get along. I have other friends I can be ‘smarter’ around, so I just talk about different things with different people.

Description : My friend refuses to go to a "college party". We are 23. Is he being a snob?

Last Answer : Do what you want to do this weekend, don’t rely on this guy to be your entertainment director. If you really want to go to the party, say so and tell him you’ll catch him later if he doesn’t want to go.

Description : Is my best friend trying to give me advice? or being rude?

Last Answer : I think she was just trying to give you advice. I see how that hurt your feelings, but as your best friend I don't think she was trying to be rude. Especially if she is a calm person, ... That way it sounds like she isn't just attacking you but telling you an observation and a better alternative.

Description : What would you do with an off-hand remark from a 7 year-old about his friend being abused?

Last Answer : I don't know. Since I have had CPS sent to my door because of things my son lied about at school I can see that being inflicted with CPS is a real pain, even if they agree that what the child said ... and thinks he'll get in trouble, or even because you perked up your ears when you heard him say it.

Description : Is my friend being nosy by looking at my Facebook wall to walls?

Last Answer : Maybe she was bored and just poking around, saw something that made her smile, and decided to participate in the frivolity. Facebook is the ultimate “friends being nosey” tool. If you don’t want friends to know your stuff, don’t post anything on Facebook.

Description : Have you ever strongly disliked the person your close friend or family member was dating?

Last Answer : Over the years I have taken a strong dislike to one or more of my sons' girlfriends at one time or another. Early on I made a promise to myself, never, ever to interfere in their relationships ... than that of a mother with her sons, I hope I would find that restraint comes relatively easily.

Description : If you had a friend that you spoke to the same way you speak to yourself, how long do you think that person would stay your friend?

Last Answer : answer:Half day. Tops. I’m pretty hard on myself.

Description : Is this person really a friend of mine(details)?

Last Answer : answer:Those are not the actions of a friend. I know it is painful, but for whatever reasons, she is not interested. Back off, as hard as that may be. If you are still a teen-ager, ... to handle conflicts without being cruel and prevaricating. Can you find others to hang out with and have fun with?

Description : What draws you to a person as a friend?

Last Answer : Good conversation

Description : If you won over $100 million in the lottery would you share it with all of your friend and family or would that just get out of control? Would it be too hard to be fair and would people just be pissed because one person got more than another?

Last Answer : It would be wise not to share it with people at all and just invest it, pay off debt, cars, houses etc., and maybe just give you direct family support, but do not give it to your friends ... always wanting more, if i was gunna make a suggestion i would say invest a lot in berkshire hathaway stock

Description : I am friends with someone who is nice to me but my friend group doesn't like them?

Last Answer : It’s difficult to give you thoughts, because we don’t know the details about why the group ostracized Z. We don’t know if they acted unfairly. You have a very delicate balancing act to attempt. I wish you luck.

Description : Am I her friend or is she interested romantically?

Last Answer : answer:It sounds like only she knows what she thinks of you. I would ask her, since that's the only way you're going to get an accurate answer. Everything else from you and everyone is just a guess. ... , strike up a conversation about the two of you and say you like her and does she feel the same?

Description : Am I overreacting to be disappointed in my friend?

Last Answer : I’d be pissed and hurt. You don’t lead someone on for months and then drop a bomb on them. She was definately wrong. On the other hand, you won’t be in Mexico, so you’ll be a little safer, not that those areas are bad.

Description : Why am I just a "friend?"?

Last Answer : answer:How old are you? Do you have good hygiene and dress your best? Are you too nice? A mature, respectable woman doesn't usually want an asshole, but being a pushover is no good either. When you ... naked pictures shouldn't be a plus in your favor, it's just a sign that your friends are asses.

Description : How do I get the point across to my mooch-y friend that I am NOT a chauffeur/taxi?

Last Answer : Sounds as if you need to stop making plans with him to do things that involve his getting anywhere. In fact, if he is treating you badly I would tend to stop seeing him outside of work. I don't know why ... with you? What does he contribute since he doesn't have a car? Does he at least pay for gas?

Description : Am I a bad/insensitive for not feeling sorry for her?

Last Answer : answer:How can someone that stupid be in college/university be that stupid? Really. Why isn't she using birth control to supplement the condoms? why isn't she insisting on condom use? Personally, I had no ... tougher then than I was a few years later. Then I turned 40 and got mean (and happy).

Description : I want to get out of a surprise party in my honor - am I the bad guy here?

Last Answer : Hi @JoJo74 , and welcome to ask-public! Surprises just are not advisable for someone has had a lot on their plate. That goes for planning them, or experiencing them. Tell your friend you don't ... let him know you really want to celebrate with both eyes open, and plans which everyone can enjoy.

Description : How do I connect with people my own age?

Last Answer : Once you get a job it will be easier to find friends. In the meantime, do things you enjoy and you will find like minded people. Join a hiking club, a cooking class, a pottery class, yoga or ... fancy. Volunteer for a politician that you like. There are so many ways to get out and meet people.

Description : What can you do when a friend in a really bad situation reaches out for help and you miss the subtle messages and can't connect when the direct message is sent.

Last Answer : answer:@Adirondackwannabe Last night I started the same emotional roller coaster you are feeling today. You are not alone in feeling helpless and a bit lost. One thing we both need to remember is that we are ... is worth the effort. It really sucks doesn't it? And it hurts like hell not knowing.

Description : If I call someone would they be able to see my last name on their phone?

Last Answer : It depends on the other ends caller ID. Other Cellphones usually dont pick up names, but my parents land line caller ID gets my full name.

Description : Have you ever known anyone who is great at dishing out advice? They seem incredibly wise/helpful (give great advice on just about anything), yet they aren't able to work on their own issues and solve their own problems; why is that?

Last Answer : Yes, amongst others a friend of mine who were very good about relationships, but could not keep one himself…

Description : Am I being a pushover?

Last Answer : answer:Wow, it sounds like you have a lot of people telling you how to run your relationship. Can I ask how old you are and also, where do you want this relationship to go? Are you happy with your ... -of-war things in life at some time. Listen to your instincts and don't be so hard on yourself.

Description : Am I being a bad friend?

Last Answer : Setting out your boundaries right away was a very adult thing to do. Learning to set limits that you are comfortable when having a visitor is important and stating them up front is the best way to avoid ... you would really like to see her and hope she will let you know if she can make it.

Description : How can I help a friend with ADHD and anger problems?

Last Answer : I would ask her parents if you can start a Go-Fund-Me account to raise money for medical assessment and treatment.

Description : If you found out a friend was casually racist, would you talk to them about it, or simply not talk to them again?

Last Answer : I would talk to them about it, yes. Not being verbose or confrontational or anything, just a little “That was a bit racist right now, don’t you think?”

Description : Is it okay to unfollow an (old) friend on social media because they trigger your anxiety?

Last Answer : Yes. Unfollow. Don’t unfriend.

Description : I lied to my online best friend, should I tell him my real age?

Last Answer : Kids! Tell him the truth, now. Don’t make it worse – don’t let it fester. He’s going to react in some way. Maybe no big deal, maybe yes, But it’s out of your control anyway. “oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive”

Description : Have you ever found out something about a long time friend, which shocked the hell out of you?

Last Answer : What does race have to do with which political party that you choose? Anyway I was shocked to learn that a guy from my high school (a very competitive weight lifter, wrestler and track athlete) changed his name from Tony to Gloria and has assumed the identity of a women.

Description : How do I stop talking to a friend I've known for years?

Last Answer : If you want a gradual out, I'd suggest just becoming a little less available. Take up a new interest, or volunteer for something, and be busy more of the time. Many friendships do change ... breakup. That also allows you the option to revive your relationship if you feel like it later on.

Description : Do you have a friend or family who repeats the same stories over and over again in conversations and you stopped reminding them because you know it will never stop anyway?

Last Answer : Yes.

Description : Is your best friend a lot like you, or more like a case of opposites attracting?

Last Answer : Similar. She loves wearing black, I love wearing black. Neither take any crap from anyone (mostly due to crappy childhoods), kind of alpha females. We both are more inward searching than outward, for validation ... I don't think either of us would use the phrase best friends' unless you forced it.

Description : What does it mean when a friend of many years sends you a link to a love song and tells you to listen?

Last Answer : How old are you and how do you know this person.

Description : My friend says I'm not as prettty as the other girls. I don't know how to react?

Last Answer : It is that she is an idiot, and not your fault.

Description : If you give a friend $$ to fix their car, but they use it for something else, would you sue?

Last Answer : For 300? No. A lawyer takes that kind of money by the hour. Plus court costs and whatnot. And at the end, the guy will not be able to pay, anyway, seeing that he had to beg for “car maintenance money”.

Description : What tips do you have for tracking down a friend?

Last Answer : Google her name or do a FaceBook search. Would be helpful if you now her last name too.

Description : So-called friend always leaving me out?

Last Answer : Sometimes in a group two people will naturally gravitate towards each other. In a small group, that can leave someone feeling left out. That is unfortunate, but a frequent occurrence. Then too, there are sometimes ... of them the same as some of the people you know at work but never hang out with.

Description : When was the last time you took a long weekend with your best friend?

Last Answer : Its been years. Very hard to find times that match up where such a thing is possible.

Description : If your friend never introduces you to her boyfriend after 3 years what would you think?

Last Answer : Very odd. Have you asked her to meet him?

Description : How to tell my friend, I’m not depressed?

Last Answer : My friend is absolutely convinced we are alike. (From the same style of clothes to shows, games and movies) He suffers from depression and believes I do too. That seems very weird How do you go from ... thinks if it isn't true for him. If he keeps denying it well then you've proved your point.

Description : Would you tell your friend this?

Last Answer : It is not over until it is over.