Hi, I would like to confide in my long-term suffering. I don't know exactly where to start, there is a lot of it ... I had a rather difficult childhood full of bullying - I was bullied at primary school because I was the smallest and quite 'childish', at second due to my quiet nature and non-traditional hobbies, different types of music , I'm not interested in fashion and I actually had nothing to say to anyone but the teachers. And now that I'm a freshman in high school (apprentice-hairdresser), which I hate most of all (mainly internships - I have no problem learning the subject, in the second half I had two threesomes - in gymnastics and internships.) It seems to me that it's still the same. I never sit with anyone, even if I try. I'm the 'awkward lady' for everyone. But I don't care to be like them. And now, in the summer, when I should actually be enjoying myself, another thing has begun to bother me - a corrosive boredom and the fact that I am slowly but surely changing into a completely different person. I don't hold my attention for long, or in the middle of someone's speech I just 'turn off' and I don't notice. I don't do it on purpose, it 'starts' automatically, so I already feel like **** to ours, especially when I don't understand anything and everything has to be explained to me X times (I still usually ask for sure). Even when I do something (for example, I draw), I completely forget what I actually plan for the next move, or I kill all day with philosophical thoughts about everything possible and impossible, or I drown in my imagination. I've also had a lot of trouble falling asleep lately (in the evening, and after two in the morning, I'm not tired, or I'm bothered by almost lively nightmares, and I can't get up in the morning around eleven, I'm grumpy and annoyed), which hasn't happened to me before. My only hobbies, so to speak, are dreaming with open eyes, drawing, or thinking about various short stories, but for some reason I will never write or listen to music (Phil Collins, Heather Dale, Skillet, Woodkid, and several others). , but I'm mostly attracted to the sad and depressing music in which I see myself, my story, or it stimulates in me the ideas of some imaginary adventure of imaginary characters ...) I don't know what's wrong with me at all. If it's just a little pubescent, or there's really nothing wrong with me and my psyche. It kills me and I have almost no one I can confide in ... I should be dealing with and doing completely different things at my age now, but I don't do them anyway, I can't, I can't. The 'teenage' world doesn't appeal to me and doesn't attract me ... not even the excitement of the forbidden and what makes a teenager a teenager ...