answer:Four out of many over a long lifetime might not seem like a lot, but I felt them all keenly and still do. There is no blessing like a dear friend, and to lose even one strikes a deep blow to the heart. One. Three of us, L—, P—, and I, were very close in college. I was maid of honor at the wedding of L—. P— phoned on the morning of the wedding and made an excuse not to come. She had already turned down being in the wedding party. L— and I never heard from P— again, and it hurt us both for many years. We speculated that P—‘s new husband, who was from another culture, required her to break her old ties. I never learned more, and the ache of it springs on me unexpectedly at times, even after 40 years. Two. L— and I stayed close for a decade over long distances and then still remained in occasional contact across the miles, but always with deep affection and trust. To this day I have never been closer to anyone than this friend of my formative youth. Then she underwent some kind of a change, apparently associated with a religious conversion, and she moved without telling me her new address. I went to a lot of trouble to find L— through her daughter, and there was one last very strange phone call in which L— sighed a lot and told me I didn’t know what she’d been through—which of course I didn’t. The next call was from L—‘s daughter, informing me of L—‘s death. I still grieve for her and have never understood what happened. Three. A close friend of many years, close enough to be part of our family birthdays and Thanksgivings, entertained us for dinner once when my older son was five. Afterward she wrote me a sharp note telling me that if he (my five-year-old son) didn’t remember to compliment the hostess for dinner, he shouldn’t expect to be invited back. I was shocked and wrote her a note trying to explain that five-year-olds don’t have adult social graces, but that he had enjoyed himself and that our expressions of thanks and appreciation had included him. She did not reply. Everything chilled between us. Twenty years later she sent me an apology, but by then there was no more contact between us. Four. After several years of shared events and intimate dinners full of exchanged confidences, a friend and I kept in close touch by e-mail through her many travels. Then I hit a very rough patch in my own life and didn’t keep up. When I got back on track and apologized, she refused to answer and cut me out of her life. This was more than ten years ago. This past ********* I received an earnest apology and a request to resume our friendship. I responded warmly and with open arms, and I have heard nothing from her since. I experienced all these changes as grievous losses that caused me great sorrow and heartache. I have other friends whom I treasure and with whom I have wonderful ongoing relationships, but I expect those empty mysteries to sadden me forever.