I am sorry I am still having difficulty understanding your q – are you asking, given a conflict, is it better to be married to the father or just live with him? Or given no conflict? I’ve done both, the person matters even if they’re not the bio-dad. So, it wouldn’t have worked with my ex-husband, regardless of marital status (in fact, that made it worse) and it worked with my now husband regardless of marital status. The only thing that works better now that he and I are married is health insurance.