The answer to your question is nobody and everybody The answer to your situation is a break-up, imo I’ve been there, you only live once, you deserve to be with someone who passionately inspires you and drives you to be so much better – even if it’s not the person that you obsess over now, it doesn’t sound like it’s your husband now, having said all that, FIRST talk to your husband, THEN to the other guy and ONLY then involve yourself in some sexual ‘deviance’ – you owe it to yourself and to them