answer:Welcome to Fluther. The only advice to give you here is the same response we give to countless other questions about “How can I get him / her to…?” You can’t. You can’t change anyone else. You can’t change her. You can only change your own attitudes and behaviors, and maybe set an example that she can emulate if she wants to. But you can’t make that happen; the best you can do is foster it, encourage it and enable it. It’s never enough for you to see that “she is emotionally scarred by” this or that thing. She has to see it; she has to recognize it, and she has to deal with it… or not. You can’t force any realizations on her; you can’t even express them to her in a meaningful way. That’s a journey she has to make on her own. Forget about “to the stars”, dude. If you can live with her, and if she can take your own imperfections and give you room to grow, then hold on to her and go where you can and enjoy the ride. You have to decide whether she’s worth having “as is”, as “damaged goods”, if you view her in that way, because she is who she is, and change will be incremental, if she even attempts to do that. There are no ‘eureka!’ moments and dramatic theme music cues and instantaneous brightenings outside of a movie. If you like what you have, then have it. So, look at yourself. Can you accept her as she is, and as she will probably be for a long time, if not always? Can you make allowance for her emotional scarring and injury? Can you live with that? Can you back off wanting X for her and just let her find her own way? Decide whether you can or not, and choose accordingly.