answer:@FiguringLifeOut : Welcome to Fluther, and I like your user name a lot. It goes with your question and details here very well. First, you are not stupid and pathetic. You’re young and, dare I say it, figuring life out. There are many things that go into finding friends. You are being very wise in deciding not to use drugs and be a part of that party scene. Since this new friend is 2 years older than you, I assume you’re not meeting her in classes. Did you meet her in a club or school activity? Making friends in clubs or activity groups at school is good. I have a couple of life-long friends today from school clubs. If you have any particular interests, join a club. It’s a great way to meet people. Finally, I don’t know why 2 people in your life turned out to be involved in drugs. I wish I had a definitive answer for you there, but I don’t. I would suggest you move on and count it as experience. As for being under a spell, is there someone close you can talk to about that? A parent, school counselor, or someone similar. It sounds like a feeling that would be worth exploring. By the way, it’s okay to be gay. I am. Having friends of the same gender does not make a person gay. It means you’re human.