So I'm stuck in the hospital and I need some cheering up. Does anybody have any good jokes?

1 Answer

Answer :

Oh man. I have more hospital time coming up for surgeries. I bought a dancing baby Groot to keep me amused. I’ll have to come back to post jokes.

Related questions

Description : Why are there so many hospital borne infections?

Last Answer : It’s because A.) hospitals inevitably have a lot of pathogens and B.) there is no way to kill 100% of bacteria, and when you kill 99% of them, the 1% that survive are the “strongest” ones (to put it simply). These go on to reproduce and superbugs evolve.

Description : What are things that I can do in a hospital?

Last Answer : Play on your lap top, tablet,or phone. If you’re allowed to walk around go for a walk down the halls explore a few floors. maybe have a tea in the cafeteria. Catch up on any lost sleep.

Description : In a hospital who can visit a coma patient?

Last Answer : Probably unlikely unless the family explicitly grants that person permission (probably by filling out some legally-binding visitation list for the hospital).

Description : Have you ever been placed in a locked isolation room from a mental hospital?

Last Answer : Or solitary confinement?

Description : How much discount could you get from your health insurance when you go to hospital? (Hope it isn't inappropriate to ask?)

Last Answer : It’s a negotiation. I had to have an MRI last year as an outpatient in a hospital. The hospital billing office said they would knock 20% off the cost, and let me pay in two installments, if I paid before the test. It would have been full price if I had to be billed.

Description : How does a hospital cope with very big and tall?

Last Answer : Probably the same way they cope with the very short and small. haha I’m sure they have some sort of methods, maybe cribs and extra long beds in the basement.

Description : Which is the best pregnancy hospital in Bangalore?

Last Answer : Since you stay near Jayanagar Cloud 9 would be the best option as they are well known for their best service. Dr Praveena Shenoi is the best doctor there. “Motherhood” which is in Indira nagar is also a good choice. Dr. Disha Sridhar or Dr Vijayalakshmi are two best doctors of Motherhood hospital.

Description : Grandma escaped hospital, can my family sue?

Last Answer : I work at a hospital and it happens all the time. Patients go outside to smoke cigarettes, get high, drink. Why do you all want to sue? Was she hurt? It could be turned around on your family as you knew she was suffering Alzheimer’s, so why wasn’t a family member with her at all times?

Description : What are your thoughts on hospital births vs. home or birthing center births?

Last Answer : answer:A hospital just seems like the safest route. Then again, like you say healthcare in the US is outrageously expensive… so, yeah, I don’t know.

Description : Is it wrong to kick poor patient out of hospital?

Last Answer : If it’s the first time or maybe a second or third time they will get some treatment. But it’s rather bad to keep all the poor people in for free. And it’s not because of the bills mainly because when things get rough for them they will turn to a hospital for “free care”.

Description : Why, when dealing with the elderly in a hospital, do doctors insist on talking to the family instead of the patient, when they are lying right there?

Last Answer : Because the elderly person’s hearing aids weren’t in? I don’t know Judi…I’ve only gone to the hospital twice with Mom, and both doctors and the staff directed their questions to her, not me.

Description : If I am going to be in the hospital for a few days, will any books or magazines I bring be infected with the hospital's germs?

Last Answer : People go in and out of hospitals and don’t usually spread the germs so I would think books and magazines would be okay. I hope all goes well for you.

Description : What would you do about this hospital volunteer?

Last Answer : The real live person standing there waiting to see her grandmother is the person who comes first. The phones can wait. At the very least this volunteer should have called for someone else to help ... the hospital can make it a habit to prepare all of their volunteers for eventualities such as these.

Description : Is it really a bad idea to use a cell phone in a hospital?

Last Answer : There are eletronic devices in hospitals whose signals could be disrupted, especially in the old days with cruder devices. They used to warn people with pacemakers not to be near a working ... been refined so that in a regular patient room there is probably no danger of electronic interference

Description : Does your state have laws that regulate hospital mergers?

Last Answer : Here is a great link about hospital mergers.. & as for my state (Maine) In 1992, the state of Maine became the first to pass a state action exemption for hospital mergers. As ... organizations' compliance (FTC v. Ticor 1992). http://www02.entrepreneur.com/tradejournals/article/61792730_4.html

Description : I'm really upset about something right now and I need a little cheering up. Anybody got a weird or funny story?

Last Answer : Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other “Does this taste funny to you?”

Description : Is it a good idea to open new hospitals and train more healthcare workers?

Last Answer : They’re closing hospitals down as we speak due to funding issues.

Description : Does your region have toll free nurse advice?

Last Answer : Here in the US they charge for everything. This site says it's $1 to join which is of course, very cheap. No ... 1&JPCD=&JPOP=&cmpid=424199283&agid=27057756843&fiid=&tgtid=kwd-7675695423&ntw=g&dvc=c&gclid=Cj0KCQiA-eeMBhCpARIsAAZfxZB7Y1JRavMPCQ6ubSBUqNprF6FamZAdJWDtRr7bEG1bZdPVpX7-Gi0aAuJUEALw_wcB

Description : Are people going back to being very covid careful in your town because of the surge in cases from Delta?

Last Answer : I live in a county with a very high vaccination rate (over 80% of adults) and a very low number of COVID-19 infections. In fact, we've been averaging between zero and one new cases per week for a ... is yes. People here are going back to being very careful, and I expect that trend to continue.

Description : What was the check-in procedure the last time you went to the emergency room?

Last Answer : It was like the DMV. Take a number and have a seat until called. At least they asked what my issue was first.

Description : Has anyone ever tried to change the law that hospitals can't give a patient drugs for a few days at the time of discharge?

Last Answer : Pharmacy laws for hospital discharge in some states allow up to 30 days of meds. Part of the issue is the large chain drugs stores don’t want to lose revenue and have asked and received laws for restricting the sale of meds through hospital pharmacies to “walk-up” patients.

Description : What other industries can someone with 20 years in healthcare finance move into?

Last Answer : What about the other side? Have you thought about looking for a job with Medicare or Medicaid? Medicare/Medicaid has audit/reimbursement departments (on the east coast as well as the west) and they always have positions open.

Description : High school senior looking to volunteer in the neonatal field?

Last Answer : Shouldn’t you be focusing on the area you live in? If you want specific suggestions, maybe you ought to tell us where (in the U.S.? in the world?) that is.

Description : Was Angelina Jolie "duped"?

Last Answer : They said you have an 87% chance of breast cancer. I don't think of that as being duped. They are entitled to their opinion and I hope it was an educated one. But I do know , if it had been ... maimed. It seems to me that you could still get cancer on the chest wall which is what she has left .

Description : Why do I have bad circulation?

Last Answer : There might be some exercises you can do to strengthen it and build up blood vessels. We can grow new blood vessels, so if you exercise it the movement might get better and the blood flow. Maybe ... physical therapy so you can learn exercises or be told what to buy so you can do proper exercises.

Description : Do you think disabled people should pay for parking at hospitals?

Last Answer : I think visitors of patients (particularly those who are at the hospital for hours on many days) should get a discount. I think all others should pay the same rate (e.g., in a garage) with disability parking convenient to elevators.

Description : What do hospitals do with patients in a psych ward when there's a fire drill?

Last Answer : When I was in college, I worked at a private psych hospital. We had drills but it was an outside walk with patients no pressure for a drill. We just had a Senior Aide do a double check that ... and staff was used as a check list when we arrived at our outside area. That was over 40 years ago.

Description : Medical cannabis v conventional drugs?

Last Answer : answer:I'd take whatever the doctor told me to take as he or she is the one with the diploma. Morphene is class A for a reason, it's very strong. If the doctor says I need morphene, chances are ... wont even take away the pain of a tooth ache, much less the pain of say surgery or a car accident.

Description : Does anyone know of any good, free, online sites to find feedback on physicians?

Last Answer : You might try this site: patients.about.com/od/.../a/mdratingsreview.htm

Description : Is it uncommon for parents to go in with their children to doctor's examinations?

Last Answer : No! I always did.

Description : My dad is having surgery tomorrow, is this normal procedure (see details)?

Last Answer : Yes, it is definitely standard procedure. In fact, I think it’s federal law that patients at least have to be asked about a living will. The vast, vast majority of surgeries go fine. In the event that something goes wrong, however, it’s good for the hospital to know what your father’s wishes are.

Description : Does it make you just want to scream when a "professional," someone you count on to lead you, makes an irresponsible, off the wall comment that scares the hell out of everyone?

Last Answer : It's time for a new doctor. The idea he used a term like sun-downers proves he is at least 20 years behind the times. It is also a sign he has no plan of doing anything to help him. My ... had her back to normal in five days. I strongly suggest you get another Doctor or at least a second opinion.

Description : What is it like being in a coma?

Last Answer : Ask ex-pres G.W. Bush.

Description : Explain the lighting scheme to be designed for each of the following: i) Special ward in hospitals ii) Dentist’s Cabin 

Last Answer : i) Special ward in hospital: For the patients in the wards, lighting should create a cozy and pleasant atmosphere. Lighting in the wards should be planned in such a way that it meets the specific ... we use such as cements and bonding agents that we use to restore your teeth back to health.

Description : Anybody got any good flood jokes?

Last Answer : answer:A man was sitting on his front porch when it started to rain. The rain came down harder and harder and the man realized that it was a flood. So the flood waters were rising and when the water started ... t you take care of me? The Lord says, Well, I sent you two rowboats and a helicopter!

Description : Anybody got any good penis jokes?

Last Answer : Why can’t a penis be twelve inches? It would be a foot. Yeah, I know. Sorry. That’s all I got.

Description : Anybody got any good vagina jokes?

Last Answer : A guy was busily engaged in the sexual act with a woman of somewhat loose' proportions when he actually fell right in! Disoriented, he sat up and looked around, and a bit off in the distance he was surprised to ... guy says; Hell, if I could find my keys, we could drive out! Yeah, I know. Sorry.

Description : To show a differentiation between "good delivery" and "bad delivery" when telling jokes, could anybody please find two videos telling the exact same joke, but with different deliveries?

Last Answer : Just look up how Dane Cook ripped off Louis C.K. and youll find the exact same joke delivered two different ways. Dane Cook's delivery was more popular. Keep in mind Louis C.K. s comedy (more ... he's saying, whereas Dane Cook's comedy is physical and performance based and doesn't take any thought.

Description : Another jelly has realized a major goal, will you join me in the cheering section?

Last Answer : Congratulation!

Description : What do you think about the crowds in Boston cheering "USA" when the Boston Marathon bomber was finally caught?

Last Answer : Jihadists are self proclaimed enemies of the West. They want us to die and go away. The US is an iconic figure of the Western world. The Boston bombers were, by currently available information, jihadists. ... in meeting their goals, and we (The West) lived another day. That is worth cheering about.

Description : Was anyone else cheering for the shooter on Grey's Anatomy last night?

Last Answer : What? No!! Takes @Adirondackwannabe off fluther friend list.

Description : Is severe drunkeness and a large group of drunk people cheering you on a real excuse for screwing around?

Last Answer : Why is “Mrs Slut” the slut? Adam is just as much the Slut.

Description : What is a form of energy you use when cheering for your favorite team?

Last Answer : chemical

Description : I'm new here, and I see no tags for humor or jokes,so how do I find the chat room?

Last Answer : https://ask-public.campfirenow.com/d9528

Description : I'm taking care of a bunch of kids from ages 5-9 ; what are some good jokes for them?

Last Answer : Q: “What’s brown and sticky?” A: “A stick!”

Description : I'm starting a Podcast for women to go along with my brand, You're WORTH It and I'm stuck trying to figure out a title. I need suggestions!

Last Answer : There's no rule that says your podcast must have a unique title. There are plenty of podcasts that share their name with another podcast (e.g. Popcorn with Peter Travers and Popcorn with Mitchell Davis and Jack ... Because You're W.O.R.T.H. It seems like it could work just fine as a title.

Description : So its snowing in Texas, and I'm stuck at my house what do I do?

Last Answer : Bundle up and go out for some fresh air. Sit inside with a hot cup of joe and look out the window, watch the snowflakes fall. Stop off at your local video store and rent a couple of movies, grab a blanket ... A Siesta. A nice, long nap (check out my niece in my avatar. She's got the right idea).

Description : I'm so stuck. What do I do about helping myself emotionally?

Last Answer : Every time you hear it in your head, out loud, firmly - disagree. Compliment yourself and concentrate on what you're doing in the present. Your worth is not determined by those unfortunate enough to not ... won't find yourself facing them nearly as often. In short: Fuck them. You're amazing. :)

Description : So I'm stuck in Somerset County NJ for the summer, wheres a place to meet girls around here?

Last Answer : Just if possible, go down the shore. Seaside, Point Plesant, Wildwood. All those places are always swarming with cute girls. See if there are any comic book stores around, or maybe anime conventions, ... like that. Try coffee shops, bookstores. Just look around. Jersey is full of cute girls :D

Description : Hi, does anyone happen to know what song is in the endiaron commercial now, we're stuck in my head so I'm just asking.

Last Answer : the melody is "I dovregubbens hall" from the "Peer Gynt" suite by Edvard Grieg, the melody is paraphrased often, eg there are well-known versions from the bands Apocalyptica, Electric light orchestra, Erasure or Helloween (Hall of the Mountain King, Gorgar