Do you have a favorite joke? Are you telling me?

Do you have a favorite joke? Are you telling me?
by

1 Answer

Answer :

A car drives into a one-way street late at night. The policeman notices and stops him. He would just start his rhyme when he noticed that his own chief captain was sitting in the meeting. The policeman salutes, then says, "What does Captain say?" These stupid boards have been laid out wrong again!
by

Related questions

What is your reaction when someone is telling a lame joke?

Description : What is your reaction when someone is telling a lame joke?

Last Answer : I put them in a big slingshot and hurl them into the sun…

To show a differentiation between "good delivery" and "bad delivery" when telling jokes, could anybody please find two videos telling the exact same joke, but with different deliveries?

Description : To show a differentiation between "good delivery" and "bad delivery" when telling jokes, could anybody please find two videos telling the exact same joke, but with different deliveries?

Last Answer : Just look up how Dane Cook ripped off Louis C.K. and youll find the exact same joke delivered two different ways. Dane Cook's delivery was more popular. Keep in mind Louis C.K. s comedy (more ... he's saying, whereas Dane Cook's comedy is physical and performance based and doesn't take any thought.

Are you able pull off telling a joke or do you end up butchering it in the delivery?

Description : Are you able pull off telling a joke or do you end up butchering it in the delivery?

Last Answer : sometimes i do. but i’m more Seinfeld-ian in my humor, using observations, etc. joke jokes never come out quite right. What’s the deal with ask-public? You’ve got Google, you’ve got wikipedia…

What would you prefer? Are you so rich that you shouldn’t be making money, or is it someone you think others helped them the most in when they needed it?

Description : What would you prefer? Are you so rich that you shouldn’t be making money, or is it someone you think others helped them the most in when they needed it?

Last Answer : I'm a person that everyone can count on and they should remember me to the best of my ability   

Greek Catholic or Greek Catholic? Are you right together?

Description : How to spell the name of this religion correctly? Greek Catholic or Greek Catholic? 

Last Answer : One.

Mature Holgyek! Are you really excited about being with an "older" lady lately?

Description : Wouldn't you like a younger boy? Write!

Last Answer : Lacus, I don't think you wrote in the right place ... Here is a good page where you can try https://love.hu/ :)      

How reliable is the Seti research station? are there any distortions in it?

Description : I'm interested :)

Last Answer : I think they need to provide reliable data. True, so far, apart from UFO sightings, they have not been able to show much concreteness. It also shows that they don’t come up with fake things. :) 

I need some great book suggestions. Would you mind telling me your favorite and why?

Description : I need some great book suggestions. Would you mind telling me your favorite and why?

Last Answer : I hope @Jeruba answers. She is a library. I really liked The Wishing Game by Patrick Redmond. I think it was a very well written, solid full bodied book, the story was interesting and a bit eerie.

What is your favorite adult joke in a kids TV show?

Description : What is your favorite adult joke in a kids TV show?

Last Answer : Spongebob watching the dancing sea anemone and changing the channel

What’s your favorite South Park joke?

Description : What’s your favorite South Park joke?

Last Answer : The wheel of fortune joke. Where he just drops the hard r.

What's your favorite "She's too young for you, bro" joke?

Description : What's your favorite "She's too young for you, bro" joke?

Last Answer : If there is a van that says “Dateline NBC” on the side in front of her house, she’s too young for you bro.

Do you have a favorite inside joke... Care to share?

Description : Do you have a favorite inside joke... Care to share?

Last Answer : O.J.Simpson! :¬)

What is your favorite joke?

Description : What is your favorite joke?

Last Answer : What is similar between a grape and an elephant? They are both purple, except the elephant.

What's your favorite anti-joke?

Description : What's your favorite anti-joke?

Last Answer : Probably any good aristocrats attempt.

What's your favorite family inside joke?

Description : What's your favorite family inside joke?

Last Answer : It used to be about my grandma who had blood pressure problem and was adviced by doctor to avoid salt. But she used to love the taste of salt and couldnt control it so after lunch she would take a pinch of ... lemon is not sour, water is bit dry etc. Sadly we lost her last year. R.I.P. grandma.

Why is Spider Solitaire telling me there are no more moves available, when obviously there are?

Description : Why is Spider Solitaire telling me there are no more moves available, when obviously there are?

Last Answer : Because you cannot progress. All you can do is move cards from one pile to another, but not to a position where you can make progress.

How do I understand what my Local Area Connection Status window is telling me?

Description : How do I understand what my Local Area Connection Status window is telling me?

Last Answer : answer:I believe that is in Bytes. I am not on a Windows machine to check. 5,854,484B is around 5.8 MB. Which is around the size of loading ask-public 7 times (cache excluded). These ... based. I would look around for something that does it. There certainly must be something that isn't malware.

If an automated-system keeps telling me I can't leave a voice-message because the mailbox is full, could I be blocked?

Description : If an automated-system keeps telling me I can't leave a voice-message because the mailbox is full, could I be blocked?

Last Answer : answer:Seriously? Did you need 35 subject topics assigned? Most of which are identical!! It is unlikely you personally are blocked. Mailbox sizes are set to be pretty small - if this is a business, ... was on vacation - person died - person never deletes messages, just saves them in his/her box

My computer keeps telling me I'm low on memory, which is ridiculous. How can I make it stop?

Description : My computer keeps telling me I'm low on memory, which is ridiculous. How can I make it stop?

Last Answer : Can you clarify the error message – is it “virtual” memory? Does it happen when running MS Office applications, or all the time? Have you run Windows updates, scanned for viruses?

Why is Fluther telling me the new pic I want to upload for my avatar is too big?

Description : Why is Fluther telling me the new pic I want to upload for my avatar is too big?

Last Answer : answer:Too big may also refer to dimensions. Can you shrink it down before uploading it? Poor fluther’s server will thank you.

Do you mind telling me everything you know about Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma? If you or anyone you know has had it, please share your stories.

Description : Do you mind telling me everything you know about Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma? If you or anyone you know has had it, please share your stories.

Last Answer : A niece was treated for it when she was in her 20s. Don’t know much about it but she is now in her 40s. She had a treatment that could possibly have rendered her infertile but went on to have three healthy children.

Can you guys please tell me what my dream was telling me?

Description : Can you guys please tell me what my dream was telling me?

Last Answer : answer:The details probably don’t matter; what kinds of emotions did you have when you woke up? (You meanhim your “former best friend”?)

What does it mean when I've eaten plenty, but my stomach's telling me I'm still hungry?

Description : What does it mean when I've eaten plenty, but my stomach's telling me I'm still hungry?

Last Answer : answer:Sounds like most fast food meals, especially McDonald's - but not limited to. You really get hungry after Chinese, but again, not limited to. The current thought is it is due to certain types of ... give you a lot more energy, while at the same time keeping you full. (Source: the Internet)

Why does Google display results that say: "These terms only appear in links pointing to this page" instead of just directly telling me where those links are?

Description : Why does Google display results that say: "These terms only appear in links pointing to this page" instead of just directly telling me where those links are?

Last Answer : I read somewhere that it could be that those other pages are actually past, cached pages of the current one you're now looking at. So there aren't actually other links, just previous (no ... has the information, but has changed the wording slightly to exclude that/those particular search term(s).

Mind telling me a little bit about your first girlfriend?(detail inside).

Description : Mind telling me a little bit about your first girlfriend?(detail inside).

Last Answer : My first girlfriend’s name was Yana, we dated in high school after she dated my brother. We broke up when she got pregnant. I thought she was so cool, you know? My mate now is nothing like her, basically.

Does my best friend hate me for telling the truth to him?

Description : Does my best friend hate me for telling the truth to him?

Last Answer : if he’s really your friend then he will come around…. it’s not really something anyone would be happy to share or hear, good you could be honest though… did you tell him because you’re interested in him? or you guys just good friends?

I am sick of the lies that magor cable companies are telling me. What is the best company and not too expensive.

Description : I am sick of the lies that magor cable companies are telling me. What is the best company and not too expensive.

Last Answer : answer:Whatever TV I watch is available on Hulu. If I can wait, then there’s Netflix for the season DVDs. I don’t think I’ll ever bother getting cable, satellite, U-verse, or anything until I can pick-and-choose the channels I want instead of paying $65 for 200 channels I don’t care about.

Why would my laptop suddenly start telling me that my copy of Windows Vista is not genuine?

Description : Why would my laptop suddenly start telling me that my copy of Windows Vista is not genuine?

Last Answer : Did you ever activate it?

What do you do when your boss refuses to pay you, I asked him to hold out taxes, or 1099 me. he keeps telling me the checks have not cleared the bank!

Description : What do you do when your boss refuses to pay you, I asked him to hold out taxes, or 1099 me. he keeps telling me the checks have not cleared the bank!

Last Answer : answer:Tell him if he does not pay up. You are going to notify the state, and IRS (tax fraud) and local police department (civil). You will also be contacting the better business bureau (price gouging) ... promised you would be paid. You need to see this as if you will never see your money again.

My TI-83 won't graph equations, instead telling me that I have invalid dimensions. Any ideas for fixing it?

Description : My TI-83 won't graph equations, instead telling me that I have invalid dimensions. Any ideas for fixing it?

Last Answer : answer:User error. http://www.tc3.edu/instruct/sbrown/ti83/funcgrf.htm

Are you telling me the best we could come up with is "de-plane-ing"?

Description : Are you telling me the best we could come up with is "de-plane-ing"?

Last Answer : disembark

What is it with my Citibank card telling me I can no longer make payments online?

Description : What is it with my Citibank card telling me I can no longer make payments online?

Last Answer : The first thing I would do is call Citibank directly and see what’s going on.

So I got a call telling me I won a cruise, what's the deal on this?

Description : So I got a call telling me I won a cruise, what's the deal on this?

Last Answer : Scam! Those other “fees” will add up quickly and then once you pay them all, you’ll get hit with another bunch of fees or they won’t send you your tickets. If you refuse to pay more and ask for your money back, you won’t get it. A friend of mine got totally ripped off this way. Don’t do it!!!

Why does my banking site keep telling me system unavailable?

Description : Why does my banking site keep telling me system unavailable?

Last Answer : When you set up your online account did you have to declaire or set up your computer so that it was recognized on their end? If you have to register your computer and missed it their computer might see you as a hacker and not allow you to proceed.

Why does my banking site keep telling me system unavailable? Its driving me nuts!

Description : Why does my banking site keep telling me system unavailable? Its driving me nuts!

Last Answer : What’s the name of the company? Are you 100% sure they are legitimate? Is it a web-only bank?

Why is Windows telling me two different values for free space?

Description : Why is Windows telling me two different values for free space?

Last Answer : answer:Update: JDiskReport and WinDirStat both seem to support the ~15GB free space scenario. So, now defrag.exe is kinda scarin’ the bejeebus outta me.

Stanley loved fishing and also loved boasting about how an amazing person he is. One day he went into a bar after fishing, and started telling people in the bar about something that just happened. 'So I was fishing by the waters, really nice breeze, and suddenly there was this person who creeped from behind and wanted to stab me in the stomach. Because I'm so good in Kung Fu, I turned back and WHAM! I slapped him in the face!' Everyone enjoyed the rest of the story when one person asked him: 'You're lying, Stan, are you?' How did the man knew that Stanley was lying? -Riddles

Description : Stanley loved fishing and also loved boasting about how an amazing person he is. One day he went into a bar after fishing, and started telling people in the bar about something that just happened. 'So I was ... : 'You're lying, Stan, are you?' How did the man knew that Stanley was lying? -Riddles

Last Answer : How can the man stab Stanley in the stomach if he's creeping up from BEHIND?

Tell me how you live without telling me how you live?

Description : Tell me how you live without telling me how you live?

Last Answer : friends

An experienced doctor for acne instructed me to take two doxycycline 100 mg daily , telling me to take it for 2 months ?

Description : An experienced doctor for acne instructed me to take two doxycycline 100 mg daily , telling me to take it for 2 months ?

Last Answer : If you do not have acne, you can take this tablet 12 weeks 64 days. Side effects: Nausea , abdominal pain , itching may occur but not in all cases. If there are no side effects, keep taking the medicine. However, do not eat more than 12 weeks. Complete exactly 64 days.

What is the reason for taking away one of my benefits ? You can close any question , what is the reason for taking away this facility from me ? Let me know if I have any offenses. Is it right to do that with someone without telling them ?

Description : What is the reason for taking away one of my benefits ? You can close any question , what is the reason for taking away this facility from me ? Let me know if I have any offenses. Is it right to do that with someone without telling them ?

Last Answer : None of your benefits have been taken away. Watch now.

Comcast TV keeps telling me I have no signal when I turn on my TV, what do I do?

Description : Comcast TV keeps telling me I have no signal when I turn on my TV, what do I do?

Last Answer : The problem maybe as simple as needing to change your input setting on your TV. To do this locate the input button your remote or TV and cycle through to see if you pick up a signal. If this ... you may need to call Comcast and ask to have your wiring checked something could have damaged the wires.

Can you tell me a joke, an amusing story, or something silly that you experienced to get the good vibes for the weekend started?

Description : Can you tell me a joke, an amusing story, or something silly that you experienced to get the good vibes for the weekend started?

Last Answer : Watching my littlest grandkids yesterday was a piece of cake I hardly knew they were even there.

I don't get this joke, so will you help me out?

Description : I don't get this joke, so will you help me out?

Last Answer : ROTFLMMFAO!!!!! I have a dry sense of humor, so most jokes that crack other people up leave me going, “eh…” But that sent me into hysterics!!!

Help me to understand this joke?

Description : Help me to understand this joke?

Last Answer : A shitzu = shit zoo. Because it only had one dog.

Help me understand this joke?

Description : Help me understand this joke?

Last Answer : Cowboy wanted the horse to fetch a group of men to bust him out of trouble, but instead of bringing back a posse, the horse brought back pussy.

Stop me if you heard this one! Anybody have a one-liner or short, clean, joke they'd like to tell?

Description : Stop me if you heard this one! Anybody have a one-liner or short, clean, joke they'd like to tell?

Last Answer : Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, “I’ll drive, you man the turret.”

Can you please help me think of a joke or funny analogy or metaphor or something catchy for a pitch for Head Girl?

Description : Can you please help me think of a joke or funny analogy or metaphor or something catchy for a pitch for Head Girl?

Last Answer : answer:School is like a car. The principal is like the steering wheel, the staff like various parts of the engine, and the students are the drivers. The gas of the car is your driving force to make ... for me; The dipstick. And then put up posters of your face with the word DIPSTICK underneath :D

Is there some way of telling if shorts are launching an attack on a stock?

Description : Is there some way of telling if shorts are launching an attack on a stock?

Last Answer : A coordinated effort is not legal. That is price manipulation. Such acts are picked up fairly easily in surveillance reports, investigated and prosecuted. It is not at all uncommon for a stock price to be ... be held for a portion of a trading day if an institution is filling a very large order.

What would you do if you were in a large crowd and hundreds of people came running in your direction telling you to run and get out?

Description : What would you do if you were in a large crowd and hundreds of people came running in your direction telling you to run and get out?

Last Answer : Well was it a gun you heard? was anybody harmed from it ,or were any injuries crowd related? Never have had anything like that happen,I guess my concerns would be like yours is my family safe, but most of all get out of the way from the panicking crowd.