Strange you should bring this subject up as the exact same thing has happened to me recently, My daughter got married to her long time partner secretly without telling either side of the family. They had two friends as witnesses but did not tell us until the next day. Although I would liked to have been there I was fine about it as I love my daughter so much and approve of her husband. All I ever wanted was for her to be happy and she does suffer from social anxiety so a big occasion would have been stressful for her, The other side of the family were terribly disappointed and blame my daughter which I think is unfair as her husband is no mouse and would have spoken out if he was against it, It's what they both wanted. I think it depends on the kind of relationship you have with your children. My daughter and I get on very well and she knew I would be ok about it. Her dad and I are not together now but also get on well and he was also fine about it. She is coming down to see us (she is a 2 hour drive away) in a couple of weeks with her husband and we will celebrate then. I have all her photos and don't feel hard done by. I think your daughter who changed her faith was probably protecting you because she thought you would be upset but I would have been very upset at the two who left the country without a word. As you say they are always our children and we will always worry about them even when they are adults. I know I gave my parents a few headaches and now they are both gone I would do anything to take some of the things I did back.