This is a very complicated issue. From my personal experience it may take a long time before self-respect and self-preservation builds up again. The thing with abusive relationships is that love diminishes you. You are so in love with the other person that at some point you don’t mind being hurt, because you see it as love. A strange, disruptive, kind of love. It took me about two years after the breaking up before I became aware that I had no fault in what happened. From then on, it was a matter of building up my self-esteem and concentrating on myself. During that period, friends were vital. My advice is that you stick around, call now and then, go watch a movie, listen, show them how important they are to you, how you will always be there and support any decisions they make regarding their lives. It’s tough, but most people emerge ok from this kind of situation. It just takes some time, with or without the help of counseling. Hope this helps :-)